


RDR2 Relationship ABCs || Men-folk edition

by TheViperQueen



Series: The ABCs {RDR2-Style} [2]
Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Other, also it seems like i'm one of the first (if not the first) to use the strauss/reader tag, entering all those relationship tags damn near ended me, pearson and uncle too, that makes me cackle in delight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:47:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27332899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheViperQueen/pseuds/TheViperQueen
Summary: This time around we’re steadily working our way through the Relationship ABCs. Featuring all of the van Der Linde boahs (sans Micah because reasons lol).I’m not writing these in order so the chapters will be shifted accordingly. Check this space to see what’s new!Up next:“Whenever I Want You, All I Have to do is Dream~”Zis for‘ZZZ’s’||What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without you.
Relationships: Arthur Morgan/Reader, Bill Williamson/Reader, Charles Smith (Red Dead Redemption)/Reader, Dutch van der Linde/Reader, Hosea Matthews/Reader, Javier Escuella/Reader, John Marston/Reader, Josiah Trelawny/Reader, Kieran Duffy/Reader, Leonard "Lenny" Summers/Reader, Leopold Strauss/Reader, Orville Swanson/Reader, Sean MacGuire/Reader, Simon Pearson/Reader, Uncle (Red Dead Redemption)/Reader
Series: The ABCs {RDR2-Style} [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1298984
Comments: 5
Kudos: 62





	1. The van Der Linde boys in: “Better When We’re Together~” || Relationship ABCs—A is for ‘Activity’

**Author's Note:**

> Eventually I want to get around to doing this for the ladies as well, but… Well y’all know how I am lmao.  
>   
> Anyways!  
>   
> Please note that this is _**purely HCs**._ After struggling through the Not-SFW ABCs with Javier I refuse to put myself through the hell of coming up with mandatory accompanying ficlets ever again lmao. _However_ , comma, if inspo strikes I may whip something up and add it in. But! In exchange you’re getting entries for all the van Der Linde boahs so yay? This is still sans Micah for the reasons I stated before (sorry y’all), but I will include Pearson, Strauss, Swanson, and Uncle (I swear I won’t give in to the temptation to just write L um BA g O for every one of his lmfao).  
>   
> As for updates—they’ll be provided whenever I get the urge to write ‘em. Now with all that being said enjoy this long ass monster of a thing I have created…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Activity** || _What is their favorite activity to do with you?_

## | Arthur Morgan |

  * He loves to draw you while you do something else, anything else.
  * It takes him a while to be comfortable enough to show you his work—and if I’m being honest the first time you see it, it’ll probably be an accident.
    * Like he’ll forget and leave his journal open while he goes to another room or you’ll come up behind him without his noticing and catch a glimpse.
    * However it goes down there’ll be a fair bit of stammering on his part as he slaps the book close and goes a shade. Let him know that you like what you’ve seen—not a hard feat that, dude’s hella talented—and kindly ask to see more and he’ll cave as he’s not all that great at denying you.
    * When he sees that you’re not going to mock him and that you really do like his work he’ll have no problem with showing you more.
  * After that initial incident you’ll become his favorite subject. 
    * And, well, okay, he still kinda does, just from the sheer amount of doodles he’s made of you, but knowing that _you_ know makes it more bearable somehow.
      * (Don’t question the logic that may or may not be there, he certainly doesn’t.)
    * Well, okay, you always were, but now he doesn’t have to feel weird about it.



## | Bill Williamson |

  * Fact: Bill is a cuddle-monger.
  * Fact: He loves to be the little spoon.
  * Fact: There is no point in fighting me on this as you will just die mad and tired.
  * Honestly there’s not too much to add aside from that, but for the sake of the HC I’ll try lol.
  * It’s hardly a secret that Bill, like p. much everyone in this goddamn gang, is touch-starved all to be damned. You’re probably the first person since his mama to touch him on a regular basis, and once he realizes that you don’t mind touching him or being touched in turn it’s _so_ on.
  * He’ll be constantly pulling you into his lap, tucking you in under his arm, and cuddling you whenever the opportunity presents itself (though this bit’ll only happen when there aren’t people around who’ll poke fun at him for it). 
    * The exception to this rule is if he’s drunk. Once he gets a few in him he’s all over you—or rather _you’re all over him_ , but only because he’s constantly pulling you into him lol.
  * Of all the ways he loves to touch you, spooning is his favorite. 
    * It’s the level of contact the positioning allows for that really does it for him.
    * And as previously stated he really does love being the little spoon, but he has no problems with switching things up if you’re the one that needs to be held.
    * Regardless of which position he’s in he loves to have his hair played with. And humming. You should definitely hum for him. It doesn’t matter if you can’t hold a tune in a bucket, he wants to hear you.
    * This is also his ideal position for having intimate conversations. He’s more opt to talk about things like having a future with you (a scary, foreign concept for him) when you’re curled around one another.
    * It’s also his ideal position for watching TV—though ofc in that case he’s probably serving as the big spoon unless you’re of a comparative stature or really insistent lol.



## | Charles Smith |

  * Literally anything.
  * No, really. This man is not picky at all.
  * Charles has long since mastered the art of just being, and there’s no one he’d rather share a moment with—quiet or not—than his lover.
  * You can be doing something together, or doing your own things separately; just so long as you’re sharing the same space he’s happy.
  * If he were forced to pick an activity that he particularly enjoys doing either with you or just with you around it’d have to be carving.
    * The act itself is rather soothing to him, and you yourself are his harbor—combining those two things is just *chef’s kiss*
    * You have no idea how to carve? Don’t worry, he’ll be happy to teach you.
    * No interest in the activity? That’s fine too! You do your own thing and he’ll be happy to do his; he just wants to share his space with you…



## | Dutch van Der Linde |

  * Talking.
  * Big surprise, right?
  * But seriously, he really does love to talk with you. Doesn’t matter if it’s a casual conversation, something deeper, abstract-‘what-if’ musings, a philosophical type deal, or even a heated debate—he just wants to hear your opinion–
  * –which, yeah, okay, that might seem kinda out of character for the guy by most folk’s reckoning, but I think that if you’ve actually managed to maintain a long standing, committed relationship with him you’ve earned his respect. It’s no easy feat, that, but you manage to do it somehow.
    * I would imagine that Dutch would look for a person with a strong sense of self; he knows that he can (and more often than not, _purposefully_ _does_ ) bowl people over. I don’t think that he would want a lover that he can run all over—not for anything long term, anyway.
    * He’s got a very prominent personality and he needs someone that can not only accept that, but match it. But this is all only tangentially related so let’s move on.
  * One of his favorite subject matters is books.
    * The man is a big reader, and he doesn’t just limit himself to highbrow literature and philosophy texts. He likes mysteries, thrillers, period pieces, he’s even been known to read the occasional romance novel (though he hasn’t found too many with a plot solid enough to keep his attention).
    * In typical Dutch fashion he has no chill when he discusses your latest reads. If he loves it he’ll praise it endlessly, if he hates it he won’t hesitate to rip it to shreds. He loves to analyze things and really getting into the characters’ heads if it’s a work of fiction, or into that of the author’s if it’s not. Either way he’ll encourage you to do the same.
    * I can guaran-damn-tee you that your reading comprehension will rise at a surprising rate if you’re even so much as friends with this man if only so you can defend your favorite works lol.



## | Hosea Matthews |

  * I see Hosea being much like Charles in that he just enjoys being in your company.
  * Though if I just had to pick a scenario that would be his favorite I think it would involve warm blankets, good books, a crackling fire, and steaming mugs.
  * Don’t picture sitting in a little cabin on a late afternoon—the sky an overcast shadow of itself, its clouds weeping.
    * Certainly don’t think about Hosea prodding the embers in the hearth until its blaze is once again properly stoked and the room bathed in its warmth.
    * Consider not him joining you on the couch, a book in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other—and thinking about him putting down the latter so that you can curl up against his chest? That’s a big no, my good dude.
    * Imagining the awkward way he’d have to turn the pages because he’s not willing to displace you—or! You turning the pages for him… Yeah, don’t even do that to yourself.
    * Thinking about the way his scent would envelop you just as readily as the blanket you’re snuggled up under or the way his voice would caress the words as he reads to you is also forbidden.
    * Don’t think about any of these things, don’t hurt yourself in that way, friend-o.



## | Javier Escuella |

  * Singing to, or with you—if you’re that way inclined.
  * Music is such a big part of his life; it’s one of the main things that helped him stay in touch with his roots when he came to the States, and has since become his favored form of self-expression.
  * If you’ve been following my [Not-SFW ABCs](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18046820/chapters/42649286) then you know that I canon Javi’s love language to be more on the physical side—which doesn’t always mean _sexual_ , ya little nasties lol—and I think this is due in large part to him feeling like he’s not always the greatest with words.
    * While he’s clearly a fluent English speaker it’s still not his first language, and let’s be real—English is a weird ass language. There’s so much slang and near synonyms and homophones and all other manner of fuckery, and don’t even get me started on the nonsensical conjugations. Because of this he doesn’t always feel as if words can properly express the minutia of what it is he’s feeling. But touch? That’s a thing he can work with.
    * Music follows along the same lines for him. By his estimation songs, despite obviously being comprised of words, are far better at capturing thoughts and moods. Music transcends language; even when it’s just an instrumental piece it can evoke emotions in its listeners, and he finds that beautiful, as corny as that may sound.
  * He’s at his most content when he has his guitar in his hands, a song on his lips, and his _amor’s_ ears attending to his melody.
  * He’ll write you all the songs and won’t hesitate to serenade you, be that with an audience or in the privacy of your own home.
  * And if you sing with him?
    * _*chef’s kiss*_
    * He really loves it when you sing along, it gives him the warmest of the fuzzies.
    * And he doesn’t care if you’re any good or not, so there’s also that. You’ll never have to worry about any judgement or mocking from him—he loves you too damn much for that—so feel free to belt your little heart out no matter what you perceive your skill level to be.



## | John Marston |

  * I picture John as being hella domestic, so like… Should I square up or nah?
  * Even in a Modern AU I picture him wanting a small farm; he even entertains the idea of having a farm-to-table restaurant until he realizes that he knows nothing about running a restaurant and that’s not even mentioning the fact that he can’t cook for shit…
    * Like this is a man who once almost legit burned his house down while trying to boil water I shit you not.
    * But I digress.
  * Anyway, he very much enjoys tending to said farm with you. Animal husbandry, crop cultivation, even mending fences and such—he legit loves doing all these things by himself, so sharing it with his lover is just a rad ass bonus.
  * Out of all the various activities, gardening is probably his favorite to team up on. 
    * From here I could get into the whole _‘being the creator of a thing instead of the destroyer for once’_ bit, but like that sorta drama is not what we’re here for atm so let’s move on.
    * Eventually he’ll trust you enough to let you help with the planting, but that’s gonna take a bit, not gonna lie lol.
    * There’s just something about knowing that your combined efforts will bear fruit (and veggies and sometimes even nuts) in such a tangible way that just does it for him.
    * The initial process of getting everything planted leaves a lot to be desired as John in the yeehaw days isn’t at all particular about style and such and would much rather just get everything into the ground and move on.
    * On the opposite end of that, Modern!John was jokingly gifted an old _Better Homes and Garden_ ’s gardening guide by Hosea and is so into the aesthetics and science of planting that it’s just… Look, just follow the man’s directions, or better yet let him plant the stuff himself—that’s best for all parties involved.
    * In any century he much prefers tending to his garden once it’s up and growing. Naturally the process is a bit more involved in a Modern AU, so that’s a thing; thankfully he’ll get more chill about showing you how to trim the plants/check the pH levels and such in time.
    * Once you’ve found your rhythm, gardening with him will be less of a test of your patience and will power, and more of a treat to look forward to.



## | Josiah Trelawny |

  * If we’re talking yeehaw days then it’s gotta be running a job. 
    * Sometimes you’ll have competitions like seeing who can snag the most pocket squares/handkerchiefs from other party guests, or who can swap out the most pocket watches/broaches between the guest before the party’s end, etc.
    * And don’t think he’s gonna let you win just because he’s sweet on you as Josiah is competitive as all hell. Luckily for you though, shit like this gets his blood up, and as a result you are— ** _ahem_** — _rather_ _intimately_ _acquainted_ with coat closets and guest bedrooms.
    * Like he’s really into pulling one over on people, and having his lover’s help just pushes the whole thing over the top.
    * The pair of you are all smiles and charm and quick hands—it’s as ridiculous as it is profitable lol.
    * Though I should say not everything is about money when you do this. The man’s got a mischievous streak that’s a mile wide and he _loves_ fucking with people.
  * Honestly I can see him pulling this type of shit in a Modern AU as well, but if you’re less inclined to get up to such things in this the year of our lord 2020, he’d be down for doing some shopping. 
    * ~~Does Josiah Trelawny is sugar daddy? It’s about as likely as you think.~~
    * Just uhh… just don’t ask where he gets his loot from. ‘Plausible Deniability’ and all that good noise.
    * Doesn’t matter what year it is—Josiah Trelawny is dapper af. And if you’re with him he’s gonna make sure you look damn good too.
    * If you’ll let him, he’ll spoil you.
    * Anyways! He loves dressing you up like you’re his own personal doll, and then promptly showing you both off at the next big society shindig. How he manages to do all this without you feeling like a piece of meat/property is a mystery for the ages, tbh.
    * Honestly being with him is like having a (very vocal) personal stylist and a partner all wrapped up into one—whether that’s dope, infuriating, or terrifying is up to you to decide…



## | Kieran Duffy |

  * Tending to the horses—which, okay, seems like low hanging fruit, but I have some solid points here, so please hear me out lol.
  * He so rarely has the opportunity to teach anyone anything so having his knowledge valued in such a way is everything to him.
    * More often than not he’s overlooked if he’s lucky, looked down upon and mocked if he’s not, so if you ever ask him to teach you anything he’ll be thrilled.
  * I totally canon Modern!Kieran as being a vet who specializes in equine medicine, but even in the yeehaw days he’s super knowledgeable about these matters. 
    * Yes, this is an obvious ploy to get you all to himself while also working so Dutch can’t bitch at the pair of you. And no, he does not care how transparent his machinations are, Arthur _‘I literally leave for days at a time just to sleep under the stars and draw shit without having to deal with the assholes at camp, but look Dutch! I brought back a grip of cash so you won’t get up my ass about it too much’_ Morgan.
    * If you were to, idk, use these same techniques to make ~~him~~ his horse a flower crown it’d totally get rocked is all I’m saying.
    * He not only focuses on the grooming of the beasts, but on their health and general upkeep. Expect plenty of camping trips to collect the herbs and such needed in the yeehaw days.
    * But aesthetics are also v. much important as well, so he’ll definitely show you different ways to style your horse’s mane.
  * Also: _horse shows._
    * The best part about this is that he doesn’t even grow succulents, he just got sucked into a Pintrest blackhole of succulent boards one night when he couldn’t sleep and now Lowes won’t stop throwing ads at him about cacti and Echeverias.
    * Doesn’t matter what century we’re talking about, you’re going to those shits and if you got horses you’re probably gonna enter a few too.
    * You know those randomly generated shirts that the internet tries to specialize for people based on their data? Well he totally bought the _‘I Am A Proud Horse And Succulent Dad—Deal With It.’_ one lmao.
  * So yeah—You+Him+Horses=Heaven on Earth for Kieran.
  * If you’re freaked out by horses for whatever reason he’ll do his best to help you overcome that fear, though he won’t push you if it’s too much for you to bear.
  * But honestly, seeing how gentle he is with the creatures and how loving they are with him in return—that shit’s enough to push past all but the worst of phobias and traumas…



## | Leopold Strauss |

  * Idk why, but for some reason I picture Strauss as being a museum person. I have no idea why that is, he just gives off that vibe ig.
  * He seems like the kinda man that enjoys the finer things in life on occasion, but operas and the like are too… Idk, involved? Like he’s a lover of the arts in all their many forms, but he’d rather be able to observe things with minimum distraction.
  * This is why he loves museums so much; there’s a plethora of things to view, to learn, to simply enjoy and marvel over and he doesn’t have to deal with having it shoved in his face.
  * It’s easy enough for him to drown out the chatter of the other patrons and tour guides. He gets lost wondering from plaque to plaque reading about long dead species and wars, loves the cloy of the old word that rises up from displays that contain items that are older than what his mind can fully grasp.
  * Museums are his happy place, and sharing that with his beloved is just *chef’s kiss*
  * Though he usually avoids going on the guided tours, he’ll be more than happy to play tour guide for you.
    * He’ll take you to all of his favorite exhibits, pulling you along like an eager child as he points out things of interest.
    * This is one of the few times you won’t have to wonder what’s going through his head because he’s p. much talking non-stop. Everything from factoids to theories to things that are only tangentially related are being spewed at you nearly faster than his lungs and mouth can keep up with.
    * It really is precious, seeing him so jazzed over fossils/geodes/van Gogh’s works/whatever else you happen to be viewing that day. Lend him your attention for the whole of his spiel and he’ll be forever grateful. Show him that you are actively listening by engaging with him and he’ll know that he’s found the one.



## | Lenny Summers |

  * Learning something new.
  * Lenny strikes me as they type of guy that loves learning in general.
  * He truly believes that you should learn something new every day. What you learn doesn’t have to be this big, sweeping thing ofc, but by his estimation if you’ve learned all there is to know then what’s the point in continuing on?
    * Life is all about growth, change; to stagnate is a fate akin to death in his eyes. Experiences and knowledge gained are the things that turn a simple existence into a life worth living—which is just a very florid way of saying _“The more you know, the more you grow!”_ but I digress.
  * Anyways!
  * It doesn’t matter if one of you is teaching the other something or if you’re learning it at the same time, nor does it matter what you’re learning—it’s that you’re doing it _together._
    * Though if you were to propose learning a new language together (or teaching him your native one, if English isn’t your first language) he’ll be so down.
    * He’s always found language to be this fascinating thing, like… We make these sounds right? And then all agree that certain sounds have certain, very specific meanings, but humans didn’t stop there. They took those sounds and their meanings and somehow all agreed that certain symbols made up these things called ‘letters’ and that, when arranged in a specific way, those letters would be the visual representation of said sounds. And then grammar and syntax became a thing and standards were created and a language was born. And on top of all that dozens upon dozens of cultures did this in totally different ways—coming up with dialects, pidgins, and Creoles all the while—and that shit’s just so damn wild to him.
    * But again, I digress.
  * Any knowledge/skill that he’s learned with you automatically becomes a point of pride for him—not to mention one of conversation.
    * If anyone comments on said knowledge/skill he’ll be all smiles as he tells them about how he learned it with his boo. And yes, the sight is as adorable as you think it is.



## | Orville Swanson |

  * Our favorite parson is a pretty simple guy. His favorite place is wherever you’re together, so naturally his favorite thing to do is whatever you’re doing together.
  * It doesn’t matter if you’re out running errands and paying bills or laid out watching the stars or snuggled up and chatting the night away—if you’re there with him it’s heaven on earth.
  * If forced to give a more substantial answer he’d probably say housework.
  * Weird, I know, but there’s just something about the domesticity of it that really gets to him.
  * For a long time he felt like he didn’t have a home, that he didn’t deserve one. And then you came along with your easy smile and open arms and heart full of understanding and forgiveness that wasn’t yours to grant nor his to receive.
    * You didn’t look past his faults, but rather helped him to rise above them, to be a better man and he’s forever grateful to you for that.
  * His home will always and forever be the juncture between neck and shoulder—the place he knows he can always rest his head, can always feel the beat of your heart—but he cannot deny that he loves sharing an actual physical home with you as well. 
    * These range from little figurines to dozens upon dozens of dried flowers (all of which are remnants of the bouquets that he brought you on the daily when you were still in the courting phase). There’s also a lot of pictures of you together as well as candids of your friend group—yes, you are _that_ couple, but don’t worry it’s cute.
    * Dude’s a nester, so do expect your house to be full of little knickknacks that you’ve collected over the duration of your relationship.
    * He’s also all about that good _hygge_ shit so you’ve got a lot of throws/pillows/plush area rugs and the like. Anything that makes a space feel more cozily lived in he’s here for.
  * Even if you don’t enjoy keeping house when you’re doing it with Swanson he manages to make it tolerable if not outright enjoyable.
    * Dude has whole playlists made just for the occasion, the vibes of which are dictated by the level of cleaning you’ll be doing that day. The harder you have to go in the more energetic the playlist lol.
    * He doesn’t think that his voice is the best but this will not stop him from serenading you as you work. Flip that shit on him and he’ll be a puddle in literal seconds. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been a thing, he cannot take such blatant displays of affection standing up lmao.
  * The only thing better than cleaning with you is settling down together once you’re done.
    * He’ll run a nice warm bath in your immaculately cleaned bathroom for the pair of you to wash away the day in. You have clothes specifically for days such as this, he’s made sure of it lol; they’re made out of some of the softest material ever, like it literally feels like you’re getting hugged by a chinchilla made of clouds and whispers.
    * From there you’ll order in your favorite takeout before sacking out together on the couch under blankets fresh from the dryer. Add in plenty of cuddles and a good movie or show (that’ll soon go ignored as you get lost in one another) and you have his ideal night in.



## |Sean MacGuire |

  * Having you read to him.
  * Reading’s never been his strong suit and as a result he’s kinda spurred the idea of doing it for pleasure altogether.
  * But having you read to him…
  * He doesn’t know what it is that captivates him so. Is it your voice? The cute way your face scrunches up in concentration and-or anticipation when you get to a particularly intense scene? Maybe the commentary you occasionally supply when a character is being particularly dense?
  * All of that plays a role in it, he’s sure, but it’s more so that you’ve opened up the world for him just that little bit more.
    * He’s always heard it said that books can transport their readers to different times and places, but it isn’t until you start reading to him that he knows this in truth.
    * To be able to take a whole trip, to meet new and interesting people, and see places previously unknown to him all without having to leave the comfort of his home? _Aces._
  * Now he’ll totally say that he doesn’t like _“–all that lovey-dovey, overly dramatic, romantic shite”_ but homie is lying his ass off. He’ll bitch and moan if you present a romance novel to him, but all that noise will die down the minute you get to reading, and he’ll totally become invested in the storyline before the first chapter’s end lol…



## | Simon Pearson |

  * It doesn’t matter what century he’s in, homeboy’s a good ass cook.
  * You know, he knows it, and though everyone in camp gives him shit al la Rupert in ME2 they know it too. 
    * I mean seriously, you can’t expect the man to do too much when all he’s got to work with is salted offal (which I still dk what that is and I’m too scared to look it up) and a poor rabbit that Arthur trampled while coming back in to camp.
  * Anyways!
  * When he’s got the supplies needed he could give Gordon Ramsay a run for his money.
  * I canon Pearson’s love language to be providing.
  * By his estimation it is his job as your partner to make sure that you have everything that you need. He’s kinda old-fashion in that way, but he manages to make it endearing instead of annoying. 
    * Like he’s not here to stifle you or try to force any roles on either of you; it’s just the way his mind works. If he loves a person he’s always gonna make sure that anything that falls under his purview to provide is given, most times even before you know you want or need it.
    * But I digress.
  * Feeding you is the easiest way for him to scratch this itch. After all, who’s gonna complain about getting five-star dishes at every meal?
  * At first he’s hesitant to let you in the kitchen—being former military, and later a professional chef as I personally canon him to be in modern times, he’s used to doing things in a very orderly (and frankly anal-retentive) manner. 
    * It doesn’t matter if you’re a trained chef; _he has a system_ , dammit, and he doesn’t need you coming into his domain and fucking up his flow.
    * He knows how ridiculous he can be when it comes to these things, but instead of changing his ways he finds it easier for you to just stay away lol.
    * Eventually you’re granted limited access, but this just amounts to you being allowed to watch him putter around.
    * After pestering him for long enough he’ll let you do the grunt work (i.e. veggie prep and the like), and once you prove yourself he’ll keep promoting you until you’re essentially his sous chef. 
      * He actually gave you a personalized toque and chef’s jacket on that fateful day. Naturally it matches his own and you both rock that shit proudly.
  * Once he learns to trust you in the kitchen cooking meals with you becomes one of his all-time favorite things.
  * He’ll spend hours scouring the internet/cooking shows/cookbooks for new things for you to try out. 
    * This is a whole thing and a half, guys. Like he’ll print out the recipe, and then you’ll go over it together to modify it to your liking before heading off to the grocery stores and farmer’s markets (and probably a chef supply store too if there’s specialized equipment needed, though honestly your arsenal can put some commercial kitchens to shame) to get whatever’s needed before getting to the main event.
    * You usually ended up making several variations of the dish as you work towards finding the one you like best. That this often times leads to you feeding each other, and that _that_ always has the potential to lead to makeout sessions is a happy coincidence.
    * The excess never goes to waste—how can it when you got ~~freeloaders~~ friends like Sean and John that are willing to take them off of your hands. 
      * In the firebug’s defense he is a broke college student and y’all do be throwing down. John on the other hand has no excuse nor does he try to make one; this bitch likes free anything and he’s not going to apologize for that lmao.
  * Cooking competitions are also a thing. 
    * Dude’s competitive af when it comes to cooking so don’t expect him to go easy on you.
    * If you manage to beat him he’s too damn proud to be salty. It should probably also be said that displays of skill like this kinda have a tendency to get him going so… yeah…
    * If he’s the victor he’s p. smug about it, ngl, but not to the level of being obnoxious. The better chef won, there’s no shame in that, but in an effort to not be a sore winner he’ll be sure to give you your consolation prize… And given that I’m trying to keep this set of HCs on the pure-ish side I’ll let you heathens speculate on the nature of said consolation prize. 
      * ~~Lol, jk, it’s sexiitimes.~~
    * So yeah, either way you’re gonna end up in the bedroom once all is said and done. So whenever one of you suggests a friendly bout you already know what time it is lol…



## | Uncle |

  * My good dudes, its _Uncle._ He doesn’t really do much.
  * Like ever.
  * But regardless of what he does or does not get up to in a day, a man’s gotta sleep.
  * And if you just gotta sleep why not do it next to the person you love?
  * Naps are his jam, and you, he’s come to find, are an even better jam so combining the two is some god-tier ish.
  * Sometimes he’ll actually stay awake long enough to sing you to sleep, other times he’s gonna conk out instantly, but either way you’re gonna feel safe wrapped up in his arms.
    * …and also a little crushed because he’s what we in the business like to call a ‘strong cuddler’, meaning he’s got a vice like grip, but the LuMbaGo keeps him from holding on too tight at least.
    * But still, you’re uhh, you’re gonna have to throw a little muscle behind it if you want to break the hold. Don’t worry though—he’s a heavy sleeper, you’re not gonna wake him lol…




	2. The van Der Linde boys in: “Talk about it, talk about it~” || Relationship ABCs—C is for ‘Communication’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Communication** || _Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues?_  
>   
> 
>
>> As you’ll probably notice, in a lot of instances I really only focused on the latter half of the prompt. So, uh, yeah—that’s a thing that happens lol…

## | Arthur Morgan |

  * **_Ahahahahahaha_** _._
    * _Hahahaha._
      * Hahah.
        * **Ha**.
  * **_No_** _._
  * At least not at first.
  * He’s bad at words, or so he believes. As we’ve seen in his journal, Arthur is a rather purposeful writer, but that doesn’t always transfer over to when he’s speaking. When it’s not something work-related he tends to get flustered and-or riled easily which causes him to lose articulation.
  * It was worse when he was younger, but as he’s grown older he’s a bit more centered, if not as comfortable in his skin as he could be.
  * You’ll know he wants/needs to talk about something as he’ll either get super passive aggressive (if it’s something that’s upsetting him) or he’ll keep almost bringing it up, but stopping the conversation short (which I guess is a less aggressive way of being passive aggressive lol); the latter mainly happens when the subject is something that he thinks’ll upset you and he’s not quite sure how to speak on it.
    * When this happens just take him somewhere quiet, ask him what’s wrong, and wait. Depending on how uncomfortable he is with broaching the topic you could be sitting in silence for a while, but it’s productive at least as he’s taking the time to gather his thoughts.
    * The first few times this happens expect a torrent of words, half-formed sentences, and a bevy of sounds (i.e. snorts of dismissal, humorless chuckles, growls of frustration, etc.) when he finally does get to talking. You’ll probably have to tell him to slow down/repeat things several times just to catch it all. A raised voice is a possibility too, though he’s usually yelling at/about the situation and not at you, and on the rare times that he does actually yell at you he always feels terrible after and apologizes—though where said apology falls in the conversation will depend on how angry he is.
  * Once he grows more comfortable with you and your relationship he’ll be more forthright and these talks won’t be quite so fast-paced. They’ll also be less frequent as he’ll become better at talking about things before they get to ‘A Big Talk’ level.
  * If you’re the one bringing a problem to him you’ll find that he’s a really good listener. Now that isn’t to say he may not get huffy depending on what’s being discussed, but typically he won’t storm off or shut you down. He’ll let you have your say, then have a bit of a think (timing on this varies), then give his reply.
  * No matter who starts the conversation, and no matter what is said, _please_ give this man some reassurance afterwards. It doesn’t have to be anything big or grand (especially if one or both of you are still heated), just something to let him know that you do indeed care and that no matter what you’re not going anywhere. Being vulnerable is something that’s never come easy to Arthur; he hates to show any perceived weaknesses to anyone, you especially, so when he takes that chance… Well, just let him know you don’t think less of him for it.



## | Bill Williamson |

  * *insert Condescending Wonka here*
  * No, really—do you actually work here?
  * Kay, so words and Bill… Look, he tries okay? But this man is like six-plus feet and thirty-plus years of repressed emotions. You’re the first person he’s been able to be vulnerable with in some time, and while he’s appreciative, he’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
  * I think it’ll take the better part of a couple of months to get him to fully realize that the whole of your relationship isn’t just some really elaborate joke at his expense, tbh.
  * In the meanwhile expect lots of outbursts, strings of swearing and accusations, the throwing of things (though never at you), and storming off—almost always in that exact order.
  * He’ll always come back, crestfallen and proverbial tail tucked firmly between his legs, but it may take a few days for that to happen.
  * Once he’s done making a right fool of himself he’ll apologize profusely and be more than willing to talk about what it is that has him so up in arms. Show him that problems, no matter their size or severity, doesn’t have to mean the end of things and he’ll know that it’s okay to stay. He needs to learn to trust in himself, you, and what you have before he ever has any hope at learning how to use his words like a big boy.
  * Now if you’re the one bringing a problem to him, well depending on what it is he may still get all shout-y about it and storm off. What follows is p. much the same as what was previously stated, with the exception being that he’s a lot more guarded as you talk; also the apology’ll come after he hears what you have to say, but you’ll get it eventually lol.



## | Charles Smith |

  * 10/10—would discuss relationship with again.
  * Unsurprisingly, Charles _‘I’m damn near the only one in this whole goddamn gang with more than five brain cells’_ Smith is an excellent communicator. He’s a straight shooter in every sense of the phrase, and he doesn’t like to leave things hanging in the air. If he feels as if you’re having problems he’ll make time to sit down and talk about things.
  * He’ll always do his best to come to you in a calm and collected manner as he sees no point in arguing about things; by his estimation a level head will always get you further than anger’s barbed words.
  * Of course if something has him especially heated he may be a bit shorter than usual, though yelling is **_very_** rare. Like something especially terrible would have to have gone down for him to raise his voice at you like that.
    * Having grown up with a father that yelled at him a lot it just… It does not sit well with him, yelling at the object of his love. For him a raised voice is like the antithesis of care and affection.
    * Honestly the only thing I can think of that would make him yell at you would be you doing something that needlessly endangered your life, and it wouldn’t be coming completely from a place of anger, but rather love and terror at the thought of losing you.
      * He’d feel terrible about allowing himself such a display, so try not to go in on him for it—he’ll already be mentally berating himself enough for the both of you, trust me.
      * And of course an apology will be forthcoming once things between you have calmed some.
  * But yeah, he’s good with his words, despite what his quiet nature would lead most to think. The conversations are sometimes awkward, as talking about feelings and issues can be, but by the end of it all both you and your relationship are all the better for it.
  * _“But Immy!”_ I hear you say. _“What about the buffalo incident?”_
    * Yeah, so he didn’t handle that in as… non-death-y a manner as he could have, but he wasn’t in love with those men. Also their actions seemed to have touched on several rather raw nerves for the guy, so there’s that. In every other incident I can think of Charles has always proven to be a level headed man, so for him to have reacted so explosively shows just how strongly he felt about what they’d done.
  * Anyways!
  * He always encourages you to bring any issues you have to him. He won’t rush you about it, but know that he’d prefer to talk about things sooner rather than later. And really, given the warm reception you always get and the care he takes to listen, no matter the content of your worries, there’s no point in waiting.
  * He cares about you far more than he’s ever allowed himself to care for anyone ever; he wants to keep you happy, whole, and in his arms for as long as you’re willing to stay. He’ll be damned if anything comes between the pair of you, especially an issue that can easily see its end with a simple conversation.



## | Dutch van Der Linde |

  * How can one man say so much, and yet so little?
  * Okay, let me put my love-hate relationship with Mister van der Linde aside and try to write objectively here lol.
  * Dutch is… He’s better with talking _at_ people rather than _to_ them. It comes partly from having been the head of the gang for so long, partly from his ego. Dutch thinks a whole hell of a lot of himself, choosing to ignore the parts that are less than ideal; and honestly I can see him doing the same with a significant other.
  * Of course you can only keep those rose-colored lenses on for so long before reality bitch slaps them shits right off your face. Eventually one of you is going to break and there will be a reckoning.
  * If you’re the one bringing a problem to him expect some scoffing and narrowed eyes.
    * He may or may not stay to hear you out, it all depends on how close to home you’re hitting. And if he does walk away, for the love of god— _let_ _👏_ _him_ _👏_
      * Dutch knows he has a wicked, cruel tongue so if he takes measures to spare you– Well, that speaks to just how much he truly cares. He’ll come back later when he’s blown off some steam, though depending on the situation that may take a day or so.
    * When he’s finally ready to talk to you like an actual adult type human, you’ll find that the conversation actually goes surprisingly smooth—providing you can keep from taking jabs at one another and-or rising to obvious bait. If you can’t, expect the cycle to continue until the pair of you either get it right or call it quits.
  * If he’s the one bringing an issue to you just hear him out.
    * Given how damn condescending he can be this will be hard, but just let him flow and resist the urge to snipe back and-or go upside his head—this’ll place you on the high ground of maturity and you’ll need that as anything less will see you getting written off as a _“–whining child.”_ (his words, not mine)
    * If you can make it through his lecture and then pose your counter argument (this bit can, nay, _should_ , be done with stilettos in your smile) it’ll work out in both of your favor. A resolution will be reached and Dutch’ll have a lot more respect for you afterwards for handling yourself with such poise.
  * In either case, once you’ve shown him that one: you’re not taking his shit, and two: you’re still willing to stick around, you’ll find that he’s making the effort to be a better communicator.
  * With you, at least. He still talks to everyone else in camp like, well like _Dutch_ lol.
  * Still expect him to talk at you too on occasion—it’s a habit that’s hard to shake entirely—especially when he thinks he’s telling you to do something that’s in your best interest. Even if you think he’s right in what he’s saying, remind him that it’s not the content that’s the issue, but rather the delivery. Make him act like he’s speaking to a living, thinking being and not a tin soldier to be ordered about before agreeing if you don’t want him to go back to his old ways.



## | Hosea Matthews |

  * Mister Matthews, as you all well know, was once a happily married man. Before meeting you he’d never thought that he would ever find someone that could make him want to take a chance on love again, and yet here he is.
    * He’s old, way past his prime he’s sure, but that just means he’s got the experience to know a good thing when he sees it.
    * And you? You are _most certainly_ a good thing.
    * And, well, it’s just not in his nature to let a good thing slip away.
  * Long since done with trying to convince you that you’re better off with someone further removed from the grave, Hosea now focuses on making sure that your relationship is as pleasant and stable as possible. Having already spent many of his adult years being someone’s husband, he knows just how vital communication is to keeping things going.
  * Don’t expect him to let things fester away—if there’s something that needs to be said, it will be. Back in his younger days he’d been all fire and bluster, but the man he is now is much calmer; a bonfire as opposed to the wildfire he once was.
    * Of course this means that if given enough prodding the flames can still be stoked until he is well and truly heated (think that scene that had him pulling his piece on Bill), but for the most part he’s very level headed.
  * Hosea somehow manages to be direct without it ever feeling like he’s talking down to you, chiding without being condescending. He just wants to get to the heart of things and lay them out so that you can repair whatever it is that needs mending.
  * And there’s no point in trying to hide things from him—he already knows.
    * Like seriously; even if he doesn’t know the _what_ and _why_ of the thing, he at the very least knows that there _is_ a thing. He’ll give you the time you need to gather up any courage or resolve you may feel you need to broach the subject, but if he thinks the issue is something that is causing you harm in any way he won’t hesitate to pull you aside for a talk.
    * Said talk will be handled in as gentle a manner as possible, but know that the poison will be drawn from the wound by its end—the process isn’t always pleasant, but you’ll more than likely be pleased with the end result.



## | Javier Escuella |

  * Usually he’s very good about communicating his thoughts to you— _however…_
    * If the issue you’re having has anything to do with something he’s insecure about he shies away from speaking about it.
    * This is due to him not wanting to project; he’s not sure if there truly is an issue or if the problem lies solely in the confines of his mind. If you press him about it he’ll talk about it, but otherwise it’ll keep festering away until it builds up to a point of being unavoidable. So if you notice him acting weird, but avoiding talking about what it is that’s causing this behavior please sit him down and make him use his words.
  * On the other side of the equation—if it’s you that has something to say he’s all ears.
    * Given his own disposition, he knows how hard it can be to speak on uncomfortable topics so he’ll always make sure to make things as painless for you as possible—even if the subject matter leaves him mentally squirming, but again that’ll only happen if one of his insecurities comes into play.
  * If you’re at the point where you’re in an actual relationship (if you’ve read my [Not-SFW HCs](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18046820/chapters/42649286) for him you’ll know that’s quite a feat lol) then he’s already head-over-heels in it with you, and there’s nothing he won’t do to keep both you and your relationship whole.
  * Any misgiving, no matter how big or small it may seem to you, will be examined and tended to in short order, and with such care that you’ll wonder why you were ever worried about things in the first place.



## | John Marston |

  * This greasy ass raccoon man is borderline feral so no.
  * _La-mao~_
  * But seriously, John is terrible when it comes to speaking about emotions and-or issues. He’s more likely to just peace out than to have a conversation about it, honestly.
  * No matter which of you is the one raising the issue, the first dozen or so times you’re going to have to damn near bar him in just to get anything out of him. Well, providing he doesn’t do that terrible thing where he bottles up his feelings until they explode out of him with all the force and subtlety of a thoroughly shaken soda can.
    * He’s gonna storm off either way, and while it’ll be tempting to follow him (either to give him a piece of your mind or to comfort him) refrain as he really does needs a bit of time to calm himself; going after him straightaway will only end in a nasty argument.
      * Unlike the other guys mentioned so far, however, you should seek him out after an hour or so as he’s got just enough emotional maturity to know that you deserve an apology, but not enough to actually give you one. He’ll avoid you otherwise, and if you let this go on for too long he’ll think you don’t care and call it quits.
    * Even though he’s being a total and complete jackass and childish to boot, be gentle with him. Honey’s got his fair share of emotional baggage and if you go off on him now it’ll only make things worse.
      * This doesn’t, however, mean that you shouldn’t take him to task, but rather that you should do so from a place of love and understanding and not one of anger and needing to be right (even if you are very much the one in the right).
    * Getting him to talk’s gonna be like pulling teeth, but be persistent and he’ll say what needs saying if only to get you off of his back.
  * Though it’ll be hard at times, you’ll have to be the more mature one for a while. If he snipes at you, don’t rise to it; if he tries to hedge around things don’t let him. You have to show him that if you’re going to work as a couple that you’re going to have to learn how to talk to each other like adults.
  * It’s gonna take a bit for the lesson to stick, but he’ll get there eventually. It won’t be an easy road as you’re still human; you still have feelings of your own, and you still make mistakes. There will be times when you won’t be able to be the bigger person, when you’re too hurt to even want to try, and that’s a totally valid and understandable thing. That’s when he’ll have to step beyond himself if he truly cares about you as much as he claims to—which he does, he’s just an emotional idiot like 83% of the time lol. When push comes to shove he’ll do what it takes to make things work between you.



## | Josiah Trelawny |

  * So you want to talk about real feelings and-or issues, eh? Wouldn’t you prefer to look at this lovely ring he’s gotten for you instead? No, no dear heart—it’s most assuredly _not_ an engagement ring, he’s already married, remember? Oh dear, it seems as if his diversion has backfired. No matter. You’ll find that it’s terribly hard to talk when you’ve got someone else’s tongue in your mouth…
  * That was my drawn out way of saying this man will do everything in his power to avoid talking about anything of substance lol.
  * Josiah doesn’t like getting too deep into things, getting too attached—he’s already got a wife and kids for that type of stuff.
    * You’re supposed to be his outlet, a place where he can rest his head when he’s away from home. You know his true nature, what he really gets up to when he’s _‘Away on business.’_ He doesn’t have to pretend with you and that’s such a wonderful feeling. He can’t help but to have a love for you for this reason alone.
    * He truly does care for you in his own way. He loves you as much as your relationship will allow for, but at the end of the day his heart truly belongs to his wife. Though it sounds cruel to say you’re just his side piece and will never be anything more so long as Missus Trelawny draws breath.
    * If you push him for more he will remind you of the above fact, and honestly can you really blame him for that? You may not have known from the start that he was married, but even after finding out you chose to stay.
  * If you ever push too hard to for something more than the light and breezy relationship you already have he won’t hesitate to end things. This is point made well clear to you from jump so… Yeah.
  * Things’ll always stay pretty damn pleasant between the pair of you so long as you agree to his terms, and thusly neither of you’ll ever have any real grievances to air.



## | Kieran Duffy |

  * Despite the way he interacts with many of the people in game, I think Kieran would be rather direct with a significant other.
  * Like if he’s gotten to a point where he trusts you enough to actually be with you then I imagine that he would be comfortable enough to bring any issues he’s having to you. He’s seen enough toxic relationships of all sorts to know that good ones must have an element of give and take to them. He never hesitates to listen to your problems—be them with himself or others—so he expects you to extend him the same courtesy.
  * All that being said, the first few times he comes to you he’ll be a bit nervous (same if you’re the one coming to him).
    * Babycakes is so used to people moving on to greener pastures that he still worries about you doing the same if things between you are anything less than smooth. Still, he’d rather rip the proverbial band-aid off all at once rather than watch things slowly deteriorate.
  * Once you show him that it’s okay to come to you with anything/that your coming to him doesn’t mean the end of things he’ll be much better for it as will your relationship.
  * Expect lots of healthy conversations that’ll almost always end with a solution in hand, and if that’s not a possibility you’ll find that he’s more than happy to agree to disagree—providing the issue isn’t a dividing one.



## | Leopold Strauss |

  * Strauss has always been better with numbers than with words. This is due in large part to his self-imposed silence.
    * Even as a child he felt as if his voice was never being heard so he simply stopped speaking. Now that he’s a man full grown he’s found his voice again, but when it’s not something business-related the damned thing tends to abandon him.
  * Now that he has you he knows that staying silent is no longer an option, but years of fasting his words has left him ill-equipped to deal with all of this.
  * But still—for you, he will try.
  * Expect him to come to you with a paper in hand; on it will be a draft of everything he wants to say. He’ll try to speak without referencing it at first, but if he becomes too flustered or feel as if he’s forgetting something crucial he will peek at it. If things are going especially poorly he’ll just hand the thing to you so you can read it for yourself.
    * Once things have been addressed initially he’ll find his voice again—providing you make him feel safe enough to come to you with such things.
      * If he finds you to be unreceptive of his feelings/viewpoint (which isn’t to say that you have to agree, but rather that you should at least be respectful of his right to have an opinion) he’ll shut down _hard_ , and that’ll be the end of things. But if you’re willing to give him the basic courtesy of listening to his grievances he’ll be more than willing to divulge the why of the matter and have a discussion.
  * If you’re the one with issues that need airing he’ll be more than willing to hear you. After all, he spends a good deal of his time listening to his debtor woes; he can do no less for the person he cares so dearly for.
  * Regardless of who has raised the issue, by the conversation’s end you’ll find that you’ve come to some type of settlement or solution to your problems.



## | Lenny Summers |

  * Ah yes—Leonard _‘I’ve got more emotional maturity than all of these old jackasses put together’_ Summers.
  * He may be young, but what he lacks in years he makes up for with plain ol’ common sense. He realizes things need to be talked about, and while the dialogue may not be a comfortable one, it is necessary.
  * Still, he may hedge around things a bit; this’ll happen for one of two reasons–
    * 1: He’s trying to gauge your reaction if he thinks the subject is a particularly touchy one for you. There’s a right and wrong way to do everything he knows, and our boah is more of the _‘Measure seventy-seven times, cut once’_ school of thought.
    * 2: This is in the same vein as the first, really, in that he’s still hasn’t quite figured out how to broach the issue, and honestly he’s hoping you’ll just take pity on him and start the conversation yourself.
  * Either way, once you’re talking about whatever the issue is he’ll do his best to keep a level head through it all and will encourage you to do the same. Don’t expect any barbed words or double talk; he wants to get things sorted as quickly as possible so that the pair of you can go back to doing rad shit (like having _fun_ debates, cuddling, smooching, etc.) and you can’t do that if you’re arguing when you really should be talking.
  * If you’re bringing a grievance to him he’ll certainly oblige you, and again he will do his best to come to a resolution in as timely a manner as possible.



## | Orville Swanson |

  * This poor baby—he doesn’t know if he’s coming or going.
  * Still, he was married once upon a time. He remembers being a good husband, a good man, back then before his addictions overwhelmed him. He has no idea if can ever be that man again or if he even wants to. That version of himself wasn’t strong enough to resist the temptations that lead him astray, and he wants to be better than that—for both you and himself.
  * To that end he’ll make every effort to communicate with you—after all, confession is good for the soul.
  * You’ll find that now that he’s dried out he’s quite articulate. He’s still as emotional as ever though lol.
    * Depending on what’s being discussed there’s the potential for tears. If he does start crying just give him a hug and wait it out—and for the love of all that is holy don’t tease him, he doesn’t need that shit.
    * Even with emotions running high he’ll always do his best to lay matters out for you so that you can get to the bottom of things.
  * If you’re the one that needs to lay down proverbial burdens then he’s more than happy to listen—it’s the parson in him lol.
    * He won’t interrupt you as you speak, but his face’ll be telling off on him, so if you wanna know how he’s taking something all you’ve got to do is look at him.
  * No matter which of you it was that started the dialogue, he’ll always strive to make things right. God has given him a second chance at love and life with you, and he won’t see it snatched away from him so easily.



## | Sean MacGuire |

  * _Oh boy._ This little fire ant.
  * Okay, know that I say this from a place of love, but–
  * Sean is one of the biggest jackasses to ever grace the universe as a whole.
  * He’s brash, he’s arrogant, he’s emotionally dense—most of this is due to his youth, but some of it is just who he is. Like Dutch, he’s more likely to talk at you, but unlike his illustrious leader he responds better to your rebukes.
    * Literally all it’ll take is one look and he’ll falter; shift that look into something that says he’d better get his shit together and he’ll be nestling an apology in a joke as he pulls you into his side.
  * It’ll take a bit more doing to get him to actually talk about things. He’d much rather avoid his problems than deal with them like an adult, but as you continually point out to him: _he ain’t getting any younger._
    * Those first few months will see you forcing him to abandon all pretenses and jokes. He’s going to fight you every step of the way, but once he makes it out to the other side and sees that talking about feelings and issues is actually a good thing, well–
    * He’ll uh, he’ll almost make you regret it, honestly lmao. He’ll want to talk about every little thing— _“Better to nip it in the bud now, eh love? While it’s still too small to do any real harm…”_
    * It might seem like he’s just using your words against you, but he’s actually being sincere. You’re the first person to ever take him seriously, the only one that can see beyond the bravado into the heart of him. Now that you’re in it so deep, he’s not going to risk letting anything pull you back out.



## | Simon Pearson |

  * Pearson is, by his own admission, too old for all that childish shit.
  * Like seriously.
  * If there’s something that needs saying, he’s gonna say it. This is good in that you’ll always know where you stand with him, but his delivery needs a whole hell of a lot of work.
    * He’s used to dealing with all the knuckleheads in the group. They don’t take him seriously unless he’s verbally cracking skulls so he’ll come off far more brash than you’re likely to be okay with. You’ll have to make your displeasure known otherwise he won’t see the problem with this—after all, it wasn’t so long ago that you were one of those knuckleheads he was railing away at.
  * Once he realizes that he needs to take care of how he speaks to you things will improve.
    * He’ll still be direct, but not so snippy about it. And please be sure to return the favor. Dude gets enough shit from everyone else, he shouldn’t have to deal with it in his romantic relationship as well.
  * There’s never a reason to be afraid to bring things to him. He’s very much a _‘Get shit done’_ sort of guy. He’ll listen to your grievances and then take the necessary steps to fix things. He loves you, he wants this to work, and there’s little he won’t do to facilitate that end.



## | Uncle |

  * Any relationship with this lush is bound to be a fun one. Like, fuckin’—it’s _Uncle_ , my guys.
  * But all good things, well they don’t have to come to an end necessarily, but a pause perhaps.
  * He’ll sit you down and weave a yarn about this couple—you don’t know them, and it’s certainly not _you_ guys, where’d ya get such a silly idea??—that’s going through a thing. He’ll ask you how you think they should handle said thing and when you give him an answer he’ll cackle and tell you that you’re smart as a whip, why didn’t he think of that! And that, ya know, maybe you guys could implement the proposed change into your own relationship.
  * I would encourage you to bring your problems to him in the same fashion, but if you’d rather take a more serious route tell him as much. He’ll be more than willing to listen to what you have to say without making any quips and such. He’ll also take this more solemn approach himself if he has more weighty matters to discuss.
  * I don’t see discussions like this taking place too frequently though. Uncle’s all about snoozin’, boozin’, and generally having a good ass time. Your relationship is p. much the poster child for _‘Good Vibes Only.’_




	3. The van Der Linde boys in: “I Wanna be Drunk When I Wake Up~” || D is for ‘Drunk’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Drunk** || _What are they like when they’re drunk?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, guys. Writing for this many people is hard, esp. when you’re trying to keep them all in character.  
> Anyways!  
> This one is a lil’ spicy, just a little tiny bit. Nothing too explicit, but sex is mentioned/alluded to in several of the HCs. Just a heads up for anyone who may want one.

## || **Arthur Morgan**

  * _Ynnel!!_
  * Sorry, I couldn’t help myself lol.
  * He alternates between being silly and introspective. The latter can end with him turning sullen and somber, but luckily for us all drunk Arthur is easily distracted so if he looks like he’s about to make himself sad just tell a joke, start singing, or anything else you can think of to change the subject and he’ll be all for it.
  * Also if you’re looking for a dance this is probably the best time to ask for one.
    * Ya know, providing you’re okay with him stepping all over your feet and-or attempting to dip you only to drop you before promptly falling on top of you.
  * He’s also given to trying to draw shit so that he can attempt to guess what it is when he’s sobered up the next day.
    * Arthur, post hangover: _“I think it may be a rabbit? No, the ears ain’t right, so maybe a… gopher? Naw, not with that nose– Darlin’ you have any idea what this is?”_
    * You, snickering: _“It’s a raccoon. You said you wanted a portrait of your favorite grease brother.”_
    * Arthur: _“…Seems legit.”_
  * Meanwhile John is somewhere tending to his cores when he suddenly gets the urge to punch Arthur. It’s a common enough impulse that he doesn’t question it, just mutters _“Asshole”_ under his breath as he continues on with his task.  
  




## || **Bill Williamson**

  * He’s a contemplative drunk that can easily turn mean if provoked—or at least he is before hooking up with you.
  * Once he’s in a relationship he’s much more focused on you. Holding you, squeezing you, possibly even singing—loudly and very much off-key—to/at you if someone starts up a song.
    * PDA is at its peak when he’s sloshed. Back in ‘[A](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27332899/chapters/67104745)’ I mentioned that he likes to always be touching you in some capacity, but like that’s just basic stuff. It’s mostly hug based stuff with the occasional, extremely chaste kiss or some hand holding thrown in for flavor.
    * When he’s drunk all bets are off, however. You’re gonna be all over each other, nearly to the point where people are yelling _“Get a goddamn room!”_ (though he’s gotta be pretty gone for things to get that far).
  * But let’s not get it twisted—if someone has insulted you or otherwise upset you all that lovey-dovey stuff is being traded in for unmitigated rage. Homie’ll be ready to throw hands in a hot second if he even so much as _thinks_ you’ve been disrespected.
    * It’s honestly pretty hard to convince him to let the offense go, though not impossible. Just take him by the hand and pull him away from the scene, and once you’ve got him alone literally sit on him. He’ll be v. reluctant to remove you, no matter how badly he wants to put boot to ass lol…
  * So yeah, providing no one inadvertently (or purposefully as is more often the case) pisses him off he’s actually a pretty tolerable, if touchy, drunk.  
  




## || **Charles Smith**

  * Honestly I can’t even picture this man being drunk.
  * Buzzed? Yes, absolutely. But legit sloshed? Nah.
  * Like… Given what he is in the yeehaw days (i.e. an outlaw), not to mention being of mixed decent/black presenting I can’t see him ever getting smashed as there was always the chance that he would have to defend himself and-or run. You can’t do that effectively if you’re drunk off of your ass, ya know?
  * As for a Modern!Charles—he just doesn’t see the point. Like there is nothing at all about the hangover process that’s the least bit appealing, so why court disaster?
  * So working under those assumptions—buzzed Charles is p. much normal Charles, but looser. 
    * Usually he generally only goes in for v. light PDA, but once he’s got a beer or two in him he’s more apt to pull you into his lap, and if he’s feeling especially bold he might even go in for a light make-out session.
    * Don’t try pushing for anything more than this however, as you’re only gonna disappoint the both of you lol. He knows that you know how he feels about such things. For him acts of intimacy are just that— _intimate._ If you want to get hands-y you’re either gonna have to find somewhere more private or wait until you get home, no exceptions.
    * His smiles come more readily, and his laughter is far quicker to flow.
    * He also gets a bit more hands-y with you.
  * Also— _harmonica._
    * He’ll whip that shit out so fast and just go all the way in and it’s as hilarious as you think it is.  
  




## || **Dutch van Der Linde**

  * It’s been years since I interacted with the source material, so I can’t remember if Dutch ever got properly drunk at any point during the game.
  * Regardless I would see it as being a rare indulgence.
  * Like Charles he’s always thinking two steps ahead—I mean, you have to be to come up with so many PlAnS™ lol.
  * But yeah, he’s never gonna leave himself vulnerable like that, nevermind the rest of his family. 
    * Naturally a lot of this was due to Hosea’s steadying influence, but good luck getting Dutch to ever admit to that.
    * Ofc we all know how things went down in game, but before they all fell victim to his hubris, Dutch was a good and caring leader I would think. If he weren’t things would’ve fallen apart much sooner.
  * Anyways!
  * Dutch is v. much the type to nurse a drink or two over the course of a night/event. He’s got expensive tastes and he likes things on the stronger side of the spectrum. Drinks like this are meant to be sipped slow, their complex profiles savored and respected, so it’s not like he’d be apt to slam ‘em back anyways.
  * Once he’s got a good buzz going getting him to shut up is near impossible.
    * Conversation topics range from politics to the best way to house train a dog lol.
    * Honestly everything low-key, high-key turns into some sort of debate as he’s convinced that his opinion is the right one and you should all just agree with him—or better yet, stand there and silently glean from his wisdom _because he is dropping jewels here._
  * He likes to keep you close when he’s like this, even more so than usual. 
    * I personally canon Modern!Dutch as being into some shady shit (i.e. dude’s a mob lawyer lmao) so people are just as apt to target him in this century as they were in the last. Because of this it’s usually best to concede to his recommendations when it comes to safety measures; if he’s tightening the leash then it’s most assuredly for your own good.
    * The most he’ll do is give you a peck on the cheek, maybe a bit of a squeeze, but that’s it. His arm will stay secured either around your middle or hooked through your own, however, so that’s something.
    * Given everything that happened with Annabelle… Well to say that he’s a bit protective is an understatement. He’s always looking out for you (and that’s saying nothing of the commission that the gang has silently accepted on his behalf), but when he’s tipsy he knows that he’s not as in control as he otherwise would be so keeping you at his side is the safest bet in his mind.
    * Usually he’s fine with you doing your own thing, so when he insists that you stay close its honestly better to just humor him. It’s not like it’s coming from a bad place, nor is it completely unreasonable.
    * Surprisingly he’s not overly affectionate. This comes from him subconsciously trying to keep eyes off of you. Again, he’s a bit paranoid (as well he should be, honestly) so the less people paying direct attention to you the better.
  * So yeah, he’s basically a talkative drunk with paranoia-induced clinginess so have fun with that lol…  
  




## || **Hosea Matthews**

  * Yet another person I don’t see getting wasted—at least not at his current age.
  * But back in the day? _Bruh._
  * Young Hosea was an absolute mess though not in the way you think.
    * He wasn’t an obnoxious, rude, fighting, or mean drunk, but rather a _flirty_ one.
    * We’ve all see the picture—dude’s always been hella handsome, growing yet more distinguished with every passing year. And back in his prime he took full advantage of that lol.
    * V. much Mister Steal-Yo-Girl/Man/ _Whatever_ —it didn’t matter, he was pulling them from all over lmao.
    * It wasn’t until he met Bessie that he slowed down, but before then? Hide yo s/o, hide yo crush because Hosea Matthews seducing errbody out here.
  * He’s always been a smooth talker, but once he gets a few in him? _Fucking forget about it._ You have _no_ chance of withstanding his charms.
    * And he isn’t over the top with it either. Very laid back, he makes _you_ want to come to _him._ He’ll reel you in with a few well-placed words here, a lingering touch there, and the next thing you know you’re in his lap giggling like you’ve no brain cells left to your name while he whispers a nuanced combination of sweet nothings and filth into your ear.
    * …Yeah, I should probably also mention that he gets a big H-word when he’s buzzed lmao.
    * Depending on how much he’s had to drink he can’t always act on said horniness—or at least not in a more traditional sense. He’s still got fingers and a tongue and you best believe that you’re gonna find out what they do before the night’s out.
    * But before all that he’s gonna keep you on edge with his teasing words and questing hands. And if we’re talking about his younger self he’ll definitely take you into a semi-private area to give you a quick handjob/fingering (because Javier isn’t the only one in this gang with an exhibitionist kink lol).
  * Overall he’s a flirty drunk who’ll focus the whole of his charms on you. Good luck trying to survive that lmao…  
  




## || **Javier Escuella**

  * This dude’s the life of the party with or without booze, though adding it in certainly kicks things up a notch.
  * He’s always down for a song, but dancing’s more of his thing when he’s in his cups.
    * He’s definitely gonna drag you out onto the floor for at least one dance—unless you’re really, _really_ insistent because even drunk our king respects your decisions. All it takes is a sincere and firm _‘No’_ and he’s backing off. He’ll be pouting the entire time, but he’ll take the hint lol.
    * If you do decide to dance with him you better hope the music stays on the hype side because the second things get a bit more sultry shit gets _nasty_ real quick. I’m talking hip grabbin’, crotch grindin’, ass slappin’, and hot, sloppy kisses. It’s a mess ( ~~though not nearly as messy as he’s gonna have you~~ ). So unless you’re into that tuck and roll out of there before it’s too late lmfao.
    * Whether he’s got company or not, he’s tearing shit up. Half the dances that he does more than likely don’t actually exist until he starts doing them, but like it works?? _Somehow???_ He’s got so much natural rhythm that it allows his body to process and respond accordingly to the music’s beat with v. little conscious effort on his part.
  * When he’s not busy providing vocal or visual entertainment he’s just generally vibing. He goes with the flow, so you’ll find him listening to a person’s story one minute and engaging in a drinking game in the next and then egging on some fuck-shit in the one after that lol.
  * He does get a lot more daring, so FFF is definitely a thing he’ll attempt when sloshed. Providing he’s not too far gone he’s actually still p. coordinated, so the risk is kinda acceptable? Maybe?? Like he’s done it before and he still has all of his fingers/use of his hands, but… I would take the knife from him, just in case.
  * He’s already a pretty affectionate guy, so no real changes there. Liquor doesn’t really make him anymore horny than he usually is, though what little discretion he has about him evaporates. If he wants you everyone’s damn well gonna know about it lmao.
  * But every high has a low, so there is a certain point when he goes from being jolly to being hella surly.
    * As he’s gotten older he’s learned to cut himself off before things get to that point, but before that…
    * Catch him out here ready to throw hands with everything that moves. The least thing would set him off, and that’s saying nothing of if you’re involved. If you think he won’t sleep a mf for trying some shit with you then ding-dong you’re wrong lol.
    * Again, this is rarely a thing you have to deal with these days, but on the off chance that he has one too many just take him home and let him sleep it off—both you, he, and everyone else at the party will be better off that way lol.
  * So providing he doesn’t get _too_ drunk, he’s hella pleasant! An excellent addition to any party you may be having.  
  




## || **John Marston**

  * He oscillates between being a sad drunk with a tendency to surliness or an empty one. 
    * Stop him before his body language becomes closed off and defensive, and then make some light conversation. If he responds with short, clipped answers it’s sad bitch hours; if he quiet it’s gonna be like that all night.
      * I honestly can’t say which is worst as they’re both heartbreaking in their own way…
    * Regardless of whichever way it ends up going down, don’t let him drink anymore as it’s just gonna make him worse off. Take him home if you’re not already there, give him a cigarette, and just let him mope. And for goodness sake don’t leave him alone. He may not show it, may even actively say that he doesn’t want it, but what he needs in that moment is some company. His protests will be feeble at best, with his mouth saying one thing but his body screaming something else entirely (i.e. him telling you to go away while holding on to you like you’re the only lifeline he has left).
    * He doesn’t want to be left alone with his thoughts, but he also don’t want to impose on you/seem weak. There’s no real point in trying to talk things out with him at that point (unless he wants to, which nine times out of ten won’t be the case), so just exist in the hush with him, it’s what he needs.
    * Given all the baggage he has and how emotionally constipated he is, it doesn’t come as a surprise that he gets in his feelings.
    * The walls that he usually uses to keep that kinda shit in check crumble little by little with every sip taken.
    * You have to learn to read his signs and act accordingly.
  * Thankfully John knows how he gets when he’s properly drunk; he hates the lack of control and vulnerability so he doesn’t let it happen too often.
  * When he drinks he never allows himself to get more than pleasantly buzzed, and buzzed John is p. much a frat boy lol. 
    * Definitely the type to pull you into his crotch and grind his chub against you while suggesting you find a closet or something to bone in lmao.
    * I feel like I need to slap on disclaimer here. I don’t actually think John is a complete idiot, esp. once he’s older. His biggest problem is that he has a very reactionary personality which means he doesn’t always think things through. What makes it weirder/more hilarious is that his self-awareness will kick in sometime in the middle of him doing something questionable, but by then he’s already in the thick of it and the best way out is usually through so…
    * He’s always the first to suggest drinking games.
    * In a modern AU don’t make the mistake of going up against him in a game of beer pong because you will lose, every time and without fail. Idc how tipsy he is, his aim does not suffer for it, but you certainly will because he’s gonna make you go through with whatever bet it is you have going.
    * And speaking of you—he’s all over you. Dude gets hands-y as _fuck_ and if you rebuff him he’s gonna get all pouty which really shouldn’t be as cute as it is and maybe it wouldn’t be too bad if you let his hands wander a bit while you kiss… Just a lil’ bit, it’ll be fine…
    * He’s also prone to doing stupid shit, like _really_ stupid shit. The level of fuckery and lack of judgement/common sense exhibited is never proportional to the amount of booze he’s had, which is just further testament to how much of a natural dumbass he is lol.
  * So tl;dr: Drunk!John is a sad bitch, Buzzed!John is just here to have good time.  
  




## || **Josiah Trelawny**

  * Josiah has been at things long enough that he knows how to hold his liquor. 
    * Behind closed doors when he’s well and truly alone is another matter, however. Dude’s got his fair share of demons, but that’s an HC for another day.
    * In his opinion there’s no dignity in getting sloppy drunk and making a spectacle of one’s self. He loves having eyes on him, yes, but he rather they be there for the right reasons. Because of this he rarely if ever crosses the border into true drunkenness when he’s in public.
  * Anyways!
  * He sings. _A lot._
  * Mostly show tunes, but he also really likes to serenade you with Heart’s _“Magic Man”_ because he’s a narcissistic idiot like that lmao.
    * Obviously this would be in a modern AU. Who knows wtf people were bopping to back in the late 1800s. _Opera???_ Fuckin’, idk, that’s not my scene and I don’t feel like looking that shit up, but whatever was hot in those historical streets his ass was singing lmao.
  * At his core Josiah is a showman, so when he gets tipsy this part of his personality gets a boost. 
    * But even when he does fuck up he’s so damn slick that he’s able to play that shit off without anyone questioning him.
    * I.e. the Charleston, quickstep, various forms of swing—if it’s flashy he’s here for it. And if you think he’s not getting you involved you’re sorely mistaken. You’re his little partner in crime, love, and everything else, _of course_ he’s gonna want to dance with you!
    * Impromptu magic tricks and illusions are a thing. You don’t know how he manages to get them right even when he’s inebriated, but you figure it’s just proof of how dedicated he is to his craft.
    * He’s also been known to get up and do dances that would’ve been revolutionary if he were still in the 1890s, but are just really niche now lol.
  * When he’s not potentially embarrassing you, he’s—well still potentially embarrassing you depending on how you feel about PDA. He’s always been the type to brandish both you and your relationship without a hint of shame, but like his penchant for showing off, this is also amplified. 
    * You peasant, you _absolute **fool**!_ You cannot possibly think that _that’s_ worth talking about when his little love has done so much more, and with more style at that. Quiet down now, you’re only embarrassing yourself at this point.
    * Oh you think your outfit is nice? Sure it cost you a small fortune, but there’s only so much a high end name can do when draped across such a drab frame. For such an ensemble like that to truly shine it must be displayed on something equally as dazzling—like his darling, for example. Aren’t they lovely? There’s really no need to reply as he already knows the answer, though it is always nice to acknowledge your betters. Keeps everyone in their respective lanes.
    * Naturally he’s not quite so blunt, but the sentiment is made clear lol. Dude’s the king of the backhanded compliment, the originator of the nasty-nice façade.
    * Have you ever heard the phrase _‘How you got them is how you’ll lose them’_ ? Because Josiah sure has.
    * At the end of the day what he has going with you is an affair, plain and simple. You care for each other, yes, but he doesn’t have the same binding ties with you as he does with his wife (not that those mean too much, if he’s anything to go by).
    * If you were to walk out of his arms and straight into those of another person’s… Well what could he really say? You owe him no measure of loyalty—hell, he’s not even sure that he believes in the concept. He’s an adulterer himself, if not proudly so; he has firsthand knowledge of just how much weight impassioned words truly have and sadly it isn’t much.
    * Still, that doesn’t mean that he will not do his best to keep you at his side for as long as possible. And if that means showing that little upstart that won’t stop eyeing you that you’re _quite happily taken, **thank you**_ via some petty PDA then you best believe that’s what’s going down.
    * Will brag about you/your accomplishments whenever anyone has the audacity to try to laud their own.
    * On the more physical side… While he’s not the type to slob you down in public he is v. affectionate. Lots of kisses to your hands, face, and even your neck if he’s feeling especially cheeky or a touch jealous.
    * Oh, did I not mention that he gets rather… _territorial_ , shall I say, when he’s tipsy?
    * Regardless of his motivations, he’s always down for a quick romp when you’re at a get together. He wouldn’t call himself an exhibitionist in truth, though he cannot deny that the thought of someone potentially hearing you and-or stumbling across the pair of you while he’s balls deep gives him a bit of a thrill (though if the latter really were to happen he’d be going soft in like .01 seconds).
  * So overall he’s a nice addition to any party you might be having. Will keep everyone entertained, albeit at the price of him politely insulting the other guests lol.  
  




## || **Kieran Duffy**

  * This precious man turns into the biggest cuddlebug ever once he’s drunk.
  * So very, _very_ clingy—like to the point where you wonder how his drunk-self functioned before the pair of you were a thing.
    * The answer to that is: very sadly.
    * Prior to getting together with you, Kieran was a lot like Arthur when drunk—very inward focused and given how little he thought of himself… Well it wasn’t a fun time for anyone involved.
    * Being with you has helped him find his self-worth, and really we love to see it! He’s so grateful to you for helping him find his way and that really comes out when he’s drunk.
  * He’s always gotta be touching you in some capacity, be it holding your hand, leaning against your shoulder, completely laying on top of you… He’s not at all picky.
  * V. giggly, v. silly, v. cute! I just… Idk man, he’s so damn adorable when he’s sloshed and when you add his cuddly nature to it—I’m _so damn soft_ for this concept.
  * Definitely makes sure everyone knows he’s yours and by some stroke of luck you’re his! (as if it weren’t hella fuckin’ apparent from the way he’s damn near cradled in your lap lmao)
    * This is one of the few times he’s super vocal about your relationship. He’s too drunk to care about any potential ridicule or teasing. Your voice, your smile, your words—those are the only things that matter to him at that point.
  * His affection is multiplied a hundredfold, though it’s p. damn pure so if you’re looking to make things spicy nine times out of ten you’re gonna have to initiate it because he’s not at all in that headspace. 
    * Think that one post about that drunk dude who didn’t recognize his wife, but basically fell in love with her all over again on sight lol.
    * This isn’t to say he’s opposed, just that he’s more focused on the less carnal aspects of his love for you.
    * But the minute you start kissing on him and-or touching him in a less chaste manner he’ll catch on quick. He’ll get all blush-y and flustered because omg, you want me? _Really??_
    * He’ll be down for whatever you want to do. Straight up sex, one getting the other off, some basic ass dry humping/grinding—if you’re happy and feeling good then he’s over the gd moon.
    * If you do end up fucking you’re gonna have to do the heavy lifting because honey’s coordination is shot, but he more than makes up for it with how vocal he is. So much babbled praise and declarations of love… Ugh, it’s so fucking cute/soft _I caaaan’t_ ;n;
  * In conclusion: 10/10—would spend time with the soft, adorable drunk boah again.  
  




## || **Leopold Strauss**

  * Unsurprisingly, Strauss isn’t a big drinker.
  * He’ll do it socially if forced, but he’s not having more than one of anything and he will nurse that shit right up until the moment you leave.
    * Half the time he’s not even sipping it, just holding it so that people don’t try to force another glass into his hand.
  * To him liquor is more of an accessory than anything. He more so prefers wines and other liquors that can be paired with a meal or used as a dessert.
  * So yeah, this man has never been tipsy, much less drunk a day in his life–
  * – _or so he would have you to believe._
    * He’s a loud, boisterous drunk that’s prone to singing when he’s not sprouting off random facts.
    * He’s also easily manipulated. Those assholes actually got him to get balls naked and do a lap around the block and when he got back they’d all left, along with his clothes. He had to walk home naked and cold and explain to his dad how he ended up in such a state. Poor baby was so embarrassed/traumatized ;n;.
    * And don’t even get me started on the hangover. _It. Was._ _**Hell**._ Honestly even without all the other fuckery the hangover alone would’ve been enough to make him swear off drinking.
    * But don’t worry, those fuckers didn’t get away with things. If Strauss’s brother was willing to go heads up with a cop, what you think he would do to these guys?
    * He rounded up his crew and they went out that very same night to crack some skulls _Gangs of New York_ style, it was glorious lol.
    * Kay, so there was this _incident_ , back when he was still living in Austria.
    * A few of his ‘friends’ (read: some local punks that liked to torment him when his brother wasn’t around to intervene) dragged him out for a night of drinking figuring it would be good for a few laughs.
    * He honestly doesn’t remember much of that night as they got him blackout drunk (which didn’t take too much effort as he’s a lightweight), though giving the snickering and bits of conversation that he picked up around town he was a whole ass mess.
    * The resulting ridicule and teasing still followed him around right up until the day his dad shipped him off to the States, though thankfully that was only a few months later.
  * Anyways!
  * He eventually started to change his association with liquor after being introduced to Dutch.
    * Time for more of my personal modern AU headcanons! Yay?
    * So Strauss works for the same group of people as Dutch (i.e. some generic mob/organized crime family or w/e you want to call it that I honestly haven’t put too much thought into) and in that lifestyle social drinking is p. much a must.
    * Doesn’t help matters that Mister van Der Linde doesn’t know how to take no for an answer. When he offered Leopold a rather high end drink only to have it turned down he just assumed that he was being modest or some shit so he insisted that he take it. Though Dutch was being an entitled twat about it, it was kinda good for him in the long run because again, he needed to be able to at least sip on something if it was offered by one of the big bosses (those types have the tendency to get insulted over the oddest things, esp. if they think you’re spurning their generosity), and on a more personal level as he saw that he could drink without instantly launching into a panic attack.
    * From there he started to tentatively indulge on his own time, and he found that he quite liked having a glass of wine with a meal or a nice dessert liqueur from time to time.
  * All that being said you will never see this man drunk or even tipsy. Though he knows his first experience was not at all normal, it’s not something he ever wants to get close to experiencing again.  
  




## || **Lenny Summers**

  * You remember those backpack leash things people used to put on their kids back in the day? Yeah, Lenny needs one of those lmao.
  * He’s definitely the type to wander off, that much has already been established.
  * All it takes is for something or someone to catch his eye and it’s _bye-bye little Len-bastian~_
  * The good thing is that once you become an item he’s more than likely gonna drag you along to wherever it is he’s planning on going.
    * _“Babe, **baaabe** lookit-look at that cat! Issa pretty cat, and we gon’ go pet it!”_
    * _“I wanna… I wanna go tell dat lady I like ‘er hat. Come with me so she knows I got someone an’ doesn’t think Imma creep.”_
    * _“Come watch the stars with me. They’re **soooo** pretty, almost as pretty as you, baby~”_
  * He’s also a total sweetheart, but what else is new?
    * He’s definitely gonna shower you in compliments and kisses and hugs and songs… I hope you’re not the type that gets embarrassed easy because it’s gonna be ogre for you if you are.
    * Luckily like most drunks he’s easily distracted, so just point out something of interest and watch him turn the whole of his focus on it.
    * _…buuut_ , you’re always gonna be the most interesting thing in the room to him, so this ploy’s only gonna get you so far. Once he gets past a certain point your best bet is just to take him home so that you can both ride out his drunk in the privacy of your shared space.
  * Will definitely want to get busy if you’re alone for any extended period of time, but booze kills his boners like 97% of the time so you won’t do much more besides making out and some heavy petting.
    * He’s not opposed to going down on you, but like… His oral skills really suffer when he’s drunk, so unless you like sloppy head that probably won’t get you further than halfway at the very best make sure he sticks to using his hands.
    * You would think he would be just as uncoordinated when he’s using his fingers, but nope. Neither of you know why, but the things work as well as ever. He does really like keeping you trapped between his body and a hard place as he ruins you with his talented digits, so maybe it’s muscle memory? Either way his handjob/fingering game is flawless—we stans.
    * Also very loud, so ripperoni you if this is the yeehaw days and all you’ve got is a tent or leanto lmaooooo…
  * Overall he’s a p. adorable drunk. Likes to wander about, likes to shower you in love, and won’t get too whoreknee until he does lol…  
  




## || **Orville Swanson**

  * Personally in these situations I headcanon Swanson as being clean and sober—that’s the only way I can see him attempting a relationship.
  * He’s been shown to have an awareness of how his addictions affected both himself and the people in his life; between that and the parson in him, I don’t see him entering any romantic entanglements before he’s dried out completely. Anything less wouldn’t be fair to anyone involved.
  * Because of this you won’t ever actually see him inebriated, but for the sake of the HC…
  * He’s either ready to fight God behind the 7/11 or he’s crying about how much he loves you—there is no in between. 
    * Even when he’s not drunk he’s an emotional person, and he’s always been quick to tears so this isn’t exactly surprising.
    * I.e. you want to get up to go to the bathroom and he’s convinced that you’re leaving him, shit like that.
    * But seriously, he’s a very emotional drunk.
    * Every feeling is amplified a hundredfold so if he’s happy he’s a _‘room without a roof’_ (I know that song was hella popular, and I get what Pharrell was going for, but them lyrics tho, smh lol) and if he’s sad he’s a black hole. But no matter what it is he’s feeling he’s a bit weepy.
    * You never know which way the pendulum will swing when he’s in his cups—not that it matters overmuch as his emotions can and will change on a dime—so be ready for a not-so-fantastic voyage.
    * V. clingy. Will want to lie on top of you and just giggle and-or cry his little eyes out. Also not all that rational, he gets the wrong impression very easily.
  * So yeah, homie’s a mess when he drinks, which is precisely why he quit. He let that shit ruin his life once before and he’ll be damned if it happens again.
  * Overall even when he’s a ‘fun’ drunk he’s really not. It’s just sad, _he’s_ sad, hold him pls…  
  




## || **Sean MacGuire**

  * Have you seen that one video where that dude on the subway is drunk scream-singing _“Get Low”?_
    * No? [Here](https://youtu.be/Z9ctQjOWyKk) treat yo’self lmao.
  * Anyways, that’s Sean 100%.
  * He turns into this giggly, loud, obnoxious mess. It’s weird because most people find that he’s actually _less_ annoying than he usually is when he’s drunk—though this is probably due to said people also being a bit drunk themselves and thusly more tolerant.
  * He’s all over the place, it’s a wild/mostly amusing thing to witness.
    * Dancing, telling stories, playing games, occasionally breaking shit (and laughing like it’s the funniest thing in the world afterwards), trying to suck the air out of your lungs with his hard and sloppy kisses.
    * Definitely the guy chanting _“Shots!”_ even when that’s not the vibe lol.
    * Dude basically speedruns through the gambit of party tropes lmao.
  * Not overly volatile for the most part, which is kind of a surprise. 
    * In his defense it was actually John that said it and he was close-ish to the light post so…
    * He’s more of a provoker than anything. He’ll say little things here and there to rile people up. Those outside of the gang usually let it ride as they know that Sean by himself can back his shit up, and those van Der Linde assholes run in packs lol.
    * That being said, he definitely has tried to fight a light post once because he thought it called him a dumbass bitch.
  * Doesn’t care much if you stick with him or go off to do your own thing—well until the horniness hits lmao. 
    * Is also willing to settle for quiet sex, or a blowie, a thigh job, anything really. Dude’s just tryin’ to get his dick wet, he doesn’t care about specifics.
    * When he gets like this he’ll hunt you down like a man possessed and when he finally finds you he’s gonna shove his tongue down your throat. No words, no warning, no anything but needy kisses and groping hands.
    * He’s the type of guy to have obnoxiously loud sex in the host’s master bedroom (or really any place with a door and enough space) if you’re down.
  * Overall probably not someone you would invite to a party at your place because at least one item’s getting broken and-or cummed on, but to someone else’s party (esp. if it’s someone you don’t like)? _Hells yeah.  
  
_



## || **Simon Pearson**

  * It should first be said that Pearson is another one that does not drink to excess— _anymore._
    * When he was younger he was like a mixture between tipsy John and drunk Sean, but as he’s gotten older he finds that he doesn’t vibe with that anymore. He doesn’t regret his wild youth, in fact he quite enjoys recounting it, but he’s not out here trying to relive it, ya know?
  * Once he’s got a few in him, however, Pearson turns into that one uncle at the cookout that will not shut the fuck up about his heyday.
  * Catch him out here saying shit like _“Back in my day–”_ / _“You Millennials just don’t know–”_ / _“That’s the problem with this new generation–”_ without a hint of irony or joking in his tone.
  * Thankfully he’s not the type to push his conversation off on others. He’s gonna find some other oldheads to bitch and moan with lmao. If none are available then he’s probably not even there tbh.
  * When he’s not bemoaning the state of the country/world, he’s giving out unsolicited advice. 
    * You: _“…Babe, wouldn’t that just be your aunt?”_
    * Him: _“Yeah.”_
    * You: *questioning every life decision that has led you to this point in time, probably* **_The fuck, why wouldn’t he just say his gd aunt???_**
    * The poor recipient of this unwelcomed advice: _“A’ight Imma gon’ head out…”_
    * Someone talking about cooking, or god forbid _actually_ cooking something in his presence? He’s got some tips for ya! Better yet just let him do that, he is a trained professional, after all.
    * Him: _“If you really want to know the best way to *insert whatever topic he’s been ear hustling on here*, then you gotta *insert random bullshit here*. That’s what my cousin’s ex-wife’s former mother-in-law did, and she swears by it.”_
    * The only reason folk keep inviting y’all to stuff is because you always bring bomb ass food lmfao.
  * He’s not any more or less affectionate than he usually is when drunk. If you want a hug or a quick smooch he’s down, but like he isn’t gonna makeout with you or anything. Big displays of PDA have never been his thing.
    * Like Lenny he gets major whiskey dick, but unlike the younger man he’s usually too tired to do much aside from sleeping off his drunk so don’t expect anything more than a few sleepy cuddles and even those aren’t a guarantee.
  * Overall he’s got big dad energy, so if that’s not your bag then don’t even bother inviting him—hell, he probably didn’t even want to come in the first place lmao…  
  




## || **Uncle**

  * Well seeing as this is his default state—just himself?
  * Like seriously, a better question is how does Uncle act when he’s _sober?_
    * I can’t remember what show it was, I think it was _The Simpsons?_ But like whatever/whoever it was got sober and was like super productive and such, and I kinda feel like that’s what sober Uncle would be like lol.
    * He’s not a dumb man at all, just a lazy one, so when he puts his mind to things, shit gets done. But he’s not here for that noise so he chooses to lay in the cut; he doesn’t care how people perceive him so long as he can keep doing his own thing at his own pace.
  * I feel like he’s always at a steady 40% of intoxication, tbh, so like I said he’s just himself.
  * Lot of jokes and stories and songs and laughter and just general pleasantness.
    * He’s a natural entertainer, so expect him to have an audience around him at all times. How enthusiastic said audience is varies, but shit they haven’t wandered off despite having every opportunity to so he must be doing something right!
  * Will definitely keep you on his knee if you let him—after all you’re his favorite little listener and he likes to have you close.
  * I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—this man is the posterchild for _‘Good Vibes Only’_. He’s here for a good time, and he’s gonna make sure that you and everyone else has one too.




	4. The van Der Linde boys in: “Whenever I Want You, All I Have to do is Dream~” || Z is for ‘ZZZ’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> || Today’s selection: _[“All I Have to do is Dream”](https://youtu.be/43HJe-FVz2k)_ by The Everly Brothers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Figured I’d start linking the songs that the titles are taken from. They rarely have anything to actually do with the prompt outside of that one lyric, but whatever lol. I’ll go back and add them to the other installments whenever I get around to editing them for quality control…  
>   
> Anyways!  
>   
> Sorry for the wait, I’ve been tired my good dudes, and writing has thusly taken a backseat as of late. In honor of all the sleep I’m not getting I decided to write about our favorite boah’s and what they get up to between the sheets—no, not like _that_ , why we always gotta go there?? Tho, okay, 2 fills do allude to some fade to black stuff but that’s not the point! …tf am I even saying at this point? Idk man, I’ve been awake too long. So you lot take these while I go take a nap… well past midnight? I guess that’s just sleep then?? Whatever, I’m peacing out lol…

## || Arthur Morgan

  * He’s one of those weirdos _*cough*_ _ ~~like me~~ *cough*_ who likes to make the room super cold and layer on the blankets. At any given time he has at least three on his bed—usually a flat sheet, a thin comforter, and a heavier comforter in that order.
  * He also keeps a fan going for both cooling and white noise purposes.
  * His preference for cooler temperatures gives him an excuse to cuddle into you, which is his preferred sleeping position. 
    * Like he’ll burrow under the blankets, wrap his arms around you, and bury his face into your chest.
    * And yes—it’s as cute (and low-key claustrophobic) as you think it is.
    * Honestly if you’re big/sturdy enough that he thinks he can do so without crushing you he’ll be laying directly on top of you when he does this; if not he’ll be nestled alongside you with one leg thrown over yours.
  * When he’s sleeping alone, Arthur’s a side sleeper. He always starts off on his back, but the minute he hits that good REM shit onto his side he goes. 
    * He’s still a burrower/cuddler, though the object of his glombing becomes a pillow. He’ll keep it pressed flush against him with one hand while the other usually ends up under his head.
  * Ofc all this is assuming this is a Modern AU were talking about. In yeehaw days you’ll still go to sleep wrapped around each other, but once too much heat starts to build up between you he’s gonna instinctively roll away from you, which is good because he’s like a humanoid furnace. 
    * Yes, this has definitely led to him rolling onto the floor on more than one occasion lol.
    * If it’s warm and he’s sleeping alone he’ll spread out as much as whatever he’s sleeping on will allow; this often leads to one half of his limbs going numb from hanging over the sides of cots and narrow beds. If it’s cold he’ll curl in on himself and pull the blankets up over his head, smothering himself in his own heat.



## || Bill Williamson

  * Much like Arthur this man is a cuddler—see _‘[A](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27332899/chapters/67104745)’_ for more on that.
  * He’s also big on spooning so it’s no surprise that that’s how y’all usually end up sleeping.
  * This is the only time he’s insistent on being the big spoon as he’s afraid of rolling over and crushing you. 
    * It doesn’t matter if you’re of a comparative stature or not, the fear of potentially hurting you makes him paranoid all to be damned.
    * If you’re wrapped up in his arms he knows he’s gonna hold on to you and stay relatively still throughout the course of the night.
  * He sleeps pretty warm, but isn’t overly fond of fans—white noise actually has the opposite effect on him for some reason, perking up his ears and making it hard to drift off—so he doesn’t wear much to bed–
  * –and by _‘much’_ I mean dude sleep buck ass naked lol.
  * If you want to strip down as well great! If not he gets it, just don’t come whining to him if you wake up drenched in sweat. 
    * Personally I would keep at least a light tank on as dude is hairy af and having that rubbing against your back all night sounds like the least appealing thing ever, but that’s just me.
    * He’s p. damn soft for you so if you’re really insistent he’ll give in and put some boxers on, but know he won’t be happy about it. Also that’s _all_ he’s gonna put on; don’t push your luck or he’ll go commando just to spite you lol. After all you’ve never had a problem with his body before, so why start feeling some type of way now?
    * Naturally he likes to keep as cool as possible, but if it’s not a modern AU there isn’t much to be done aside from getting naked and throwing the covers back. Having such a naturally high body temperature sucks, but at least he, and by proxy you, never have to worry about how you’ll stay warm in the winter…
  * Yeehaw days are p. much the same as modern times, much to the displeasure of the other gang members who’ve had the great misfortune to have walked in on him laying spread eagle inside his tent lmao. 
    * Talk about a gd eyeful, but that’ll teach John to go barging in on people unannounced lol…
  * When he’s alone he’s a restless sleeper, constantly tossing and turning and shifting positions. You’d swear he was in a fight with the way the sheets—hell the whole damn bed—looks when he wakes up alone. 
    * He usually goes to sleep on his side, but with the way he sifts about who can say what the final result will be…



## || **Charles Smith**

  * Charles sleeps like a dead man.
  * No seriously—when dude knocks out, that’s it. He doesn’t move out of whatever position he’s in until sunup. 
    * Those first few nights you’re gonna find yourself checking for the steady rise and fall of his chest just to make sure he’s still with you lol—hell, you’ll probably be doing this periodically for the whole of your relationship tbh…
  * He’s also a v. light sleeper, so if you’re the kind that likes to shift about or snores that’s gonna be an issue in the beginning. 
    * He can adapt to it, naturally, but like I said those first few times are gonna be rough.
    * If you’re a restless sleeper he at least has the option of trapping you in a strong cuddle, but if you’re a snorer there’s not much to be done. 
      * Cue this poor baby staring at the ceiling at three in the a.m., praying for sleep to take him lol.
    * He won’t say anything about his disrupted sleep those first couple of nights as he doesn’t want to make you feel bad and-or make things awkward, but all it’ll take is one look at him to know he’s exhausted. 
      * He’s also hoping that he can adjust to it soon, tho if he can’t y’all are going to have a talk. He knows that it’s more than likely beyond your control, but sleep is important, so like if there’s anything you can potentially do to mitigate things then I implore you to do it for him lol…
  * If he’s alone he likes to sleep on his stomach with his hands tucked under the pillow. 
    * Is this partly because in the yeehaw days he likes to keep a piece underneath said pillow just in case a mf thinks they can catch him slippin’ in his sleep? Mayhaps.
  * If he’s sharing the bed with you he’ll either curl up around your back or let you sleep on his chest, whichever is more comfortable for you. 
    * If forced to pick, he definitely prefers to have you lying on top of him. There’s just something about bearing your weight that he finds hella comforting. 
      * In that same vein I definitely think he’d own a weighted blanket or two, but I digress.
  * He doesn’t really have a preference for temperatures or anything. If you’re cold pile on the blankets/crank up the heat/whatever it is you need to do to rectify that, and the same goes for warmer temperatures. He doesn’t see the point in complaining about something that can be easily remedied—he’s practical like that…



## || **Dutch van Der Linde**

  * Honestly this man is a nightmare to try and share a bed with.
  * To be fair, his intentions are noble, it’s the results that are lacking.
  * Sure, things _start out_ okay—more than okay, really.
    * He’s v. accommodating, molding himself into whatever configuration best suits you both, adding pillows and blankets as needed…
    * …but as the night progresses things take a decidedly downwards turn.
  * Do you remember when I talked about Uncle being a strong cuddler back in _‘[A](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27332899/chapters/67104745)’?_ Yeah, well meet the one man who can match him in grip strength lmao.
    * It doesn’t matter what position you went to sleep in, you’re getting squeezed half to death. Dude will have your soul leaking halfway out of your body with how tight he holds you to him.
    * If you bring it up to him he’ll honestly try to avoid doing it again, ‘good intentions’ and all that noise, but it still ends up being a thing. If you share a bed with him you’re getting that good WWE treatment, and that’s just facts.
    * And the worst part is if you manage to break his hold somehow and move to the other end of the bed _this asshole will migrate with you and snatch you up again_ lmfao.
      * You have become the safety blanket he didn’t know he needed and his subconscious’ll be damned if it lets you go that easily.
  * If he’s sleeping alone he likes to take up as much space as possible. Arms splayed, legs thrown out wide and head tilted off to the side—homie looks like he’s being served up as a sacrifice to some long forgotten god lol.
  * As for temperature preference that really depends on the era.
    * If it’s yeehaw days he used to say that he’d rather be cold than hot, but then Colter happened lol. Now he cannot for the life of him stand temperature that dip below the fifties (that’s around 10 °C for you non-Fahrenheit users). He doesn’t care how gross and sweaty he gets, he’d rather burn than have to worry about if his balls will ever descend again lmao.
    * In modern, however, times he does like to keep the room on the cooler side. Fans annoy him tho, so you’ll be more opt to find a cool mist humidifier running somewhere nearby. The device’s purpose is two-fold as it helps to keep his fucked up sinuses clear and properly moist while he sleeps.
      * The one time you convinced him to go a night without it he told you that you would both be miserable because of it and he was right. Dude was snoring and coughing up a storm, but somehow stayed asleep? You on the other hand was just seconds away from taking a pillow and ending it all lmao.



## || **Hosea Matthews**

  * Look, Hosea is, by his own admission, old and set in his ways. Luckily for you said ways are for the most part pleasant.
  * Having been married for a great many years he’s used to sharing a bed with someone. In fact he finds it much easier to get to sleep when there’s someone beside him, but this is a thing that he never actively acknowledged until you came along.
  * When he’s with you he’s a side sleeper with a penchant for spooning.
    * Definitely prefers to be the big spoon—our mans is a protector, first and foremost, and that’s something that doesn’t change even when he’s sleeping—though if you’re insistent enough he’ll allow you to curl around him on occasion.
      * Again he’s got his habits and he’s loath to break them at this point, but he’s not so stubborn as to be completely inflexible. He understands that compromise is a thing that any healthy relationship needs to survive, and this doesn’t just apply to the big things.
        * Still, don’t be surprise if you wake up with him curled around your front. He can’t help what his unconscious form gets up to when left to its own devices; after all, it’s in the core of his bones, that need to protect that which he holds most dear.
  * If he’s by himself he tends to sleep on his back with one arm tossed over his eyes.
    * The older he gets he finds that sleep doesn’t come to him quite as quickly as it used to, despite his desperate need of it, so he doesn’t want to take the risk of an errant beam of light waking him early.
  * Definitely prefers a warm room to a colder one when sleeping.
    * Dude’s up there in age and the last thing he needs is added stiffness in his joints because of the chill.
    * If it’s modern times he’s gonna keep the thermostat at a steady 70-74 degrees (21-23 °C) depending on the season. If it’s yeehaw days then he’s piling on the blankets until things are suitably toasty.
  * It should also be said that he snores, but lightly. Really it’s more like really heavy, drawn out breaths. It can get annoying if your sensitive to such things as his preferred positioning usually leaves your heads fairly close together, but it’s something that you’ll probably get used to over time.



## || **Javier Escuella**

  * Such a romantic, this one. He loves to hold you while you sleep.
  * He doesn’t particularly care how this happens so long as he’s got you in his arms.
    * His personal favorite is for you to drift off while facing one another, but he knows this can be a bit claustrophobic so he’s more than willing to entertain other options.
    * In fact he recognizes that being held while you sleep can be undesirable in general so he’ll definitely avoid playing you so tight.
  * If you’re not likewise inclined he’ll be willing to find a compromise that you can both live with.
    * He’s got no problem with just throwing an arm or a leg over you but otherwise staying to his side of the bed or any variations thereof—he just wants to be touching you somehow.
    * However if you’re one of those people that _really_ needs their s p a c e he’ll give it to you, albeit begrudgingly.
      * Just don’t be surprised if you wake up with him curled around you; dude can’t help what his subconscious drives him to do in his sleep lol.
  * When he’s alone he’s a side sleeper that likes to cuddle a pillow. He really hates sleeping on his back as he just doesn’t find it all that comfortable for whatever reason.
    * The one exception to this is when he naps. The lack of comfort serves as a natural alarm clock that keeps him from oversleeping lol.
  * He prefers warmer temperatures to colder ones, so if you like to keep a colder room then expect him to pile on the blankets.
  * Regardless of if he’s alone or not he sleeps **_~_** _nude **~**_
    * He’s got no shame when it comes to his body, and honestly if you’re at the point where you’re sharing a bed you’re already well acquainted with it so this shouldn’t be an issue I’d think.
      * If your sensibilities are a bit too delicate for this for whatever reason, he’ll put on a pair of boxers but that’s the most you’re gonna get lol.
    * While he loves to dress nice, when it comes time to catch some Z’s he doesn’t like being bogged down. This is a big part of the reason he likes to keep the room on the warmer side when he sleeps; warmer temperatures means lighter blankets and he’s here for that.
    * He also loves the intimacy that comes from being in such a vulnerable state with someone else. Because of this he’ll encourage you to ditch the PJs as well. There’s absolutely nothing sexual about his request btw—his love language is physical and sleeping naked with someone is about as close as you can get with them without doing the do. It’s the combination of trust, love, and intimacy that goes into it that really does it for him.
    * Plus sleeping naked is just super liberating/comfortable, in his opinion. It’s a small rebellion against societal norms and we all know that our mans is still a revolutionary at heart no matter the century, so he lives for shit like this lol…



## || **John Marston**

  * John’s a stomach sleeper whose positioning doesn’t really vary even when he’s sharing a bed.
    * Doesn’t matter if he’s got company or not, dude’s flopping down on his belly and taking up as much real estate as possible lol.
    * Yeah he likes to starfish when he’s alone; it takes a bit for him to break the habit, tho the issues that we’re gonna get to in a second sees him striving to rectify this behavior sooner rather than later.
    * When he’s not completely spread out he tends to keep his hands tucked under the pillow, but like in a _really weird_ way. The left one goes under like normal, but he’ll like loop his right arm so that it’s coming over the top of the thing before going under it; so it basically looks like he’s trying to put the pillow in some sort of headlock-type deal lmao.
  * The most that’ll change if you’re sharing a bed is his flopping an arm over your middle, and even that’ll be removed as the night progresses.
    * By his estimation all that cutesy, couple-y, cuddly stuff is just not sustainable for an entire night. Limbs grow numb and bodies uncomfortably hot… He loves being near you, but dammit, he needs his sleep lmao.
    * If you want to cuddle save it for your waking hours; at least then you don’t have to worry about anyone’s arms going all tingly or getting drooled on.
  * Like his big brother he runs hot—this is a large part of why he doesn’t really want to get too close while you’re sleeping.
    * It’s a comfort thing, for both him _and_ you.
    * He doesn’t even want to be in his own skin when he’s like this so why would he inflict it on you?
      * …He may also be a bit self-conscious about the amount he sweats, both when he’s awake and asleep, so that also plays a part.
        * ~~Me, projecting my hyperhidrosis onto John’s greasy ass? It’s about as likely as you think lmao.~~
    * It doesn’t matter how cold the room is either, he’s still gonna sweat because his body is a traitor like that >.>
    * Even if you don’t mind the sweat you’re not gonna change his mind about things. He’s super self-conscious about this and no amount of honeyed words is gonna fix that.
      * In a modern AU he may consider getting Botox if the idea is presented to him, tho he’s definitely gonna do his research as he’s heard horror stories about botched applications in the past. He doesn’t think you can fuck up an armpit in the same way you can someone’s face, but with his brand of luck…
  * He likes to keep the room at a comfortable temperature in modern AUs—i.e. room temperature—as he finds that if it’s too cold he’ll wake up stiff and if it’s too hot his sheets’ll be soaked through. In the yeehaw days he doesn’t see a point in having a preference as the temperature’s gonna do what it’s gonna do. He just adjusts the amount of blankets accordingly and keeps it moving.



## || **Josiah Trelawny**

  * Josiah snores like a gd chainsaw—try to change my mind lmao.
  * Seriously, it’s always the people that are the most put together that have shit like this going on behind the scenes.
  * Ever since he was a child he struggled with this affliction. His parents wrote it off to the bad allergies that affected both themselves as well as the rest of their children, and while that was part of the problem the actual underlying condition turned out to be far more serious.
    * Turns out the lot of them had sleep apnea.
    * I’m p. sure this wasn’t a thing that they fully understood back in the 1890s, so they probably wouldn’t have been diagnosed properly.
      * If you’re back in those days you p. much just have to learn to live with the noise as there’s not much he can do about it, unfortunately.
    * In modern times we ofc have treatments for the condition, but they’re all pretty involved. So far he’s been getting by with a CPAP, but he hates the device for several reasons and has been considering more invasive solutions.
      * Tbh there are nights where he just cannot deal with that blasted thing and tries to go without; that never ends well for anyone involved.
      * Luckily for him (and you too, honestly) there are some non-surgical procedures that have some promising results.
    * No matter the century, please don’t tease him about his snoring. He’s already hella self-conscious about it, and honestly doing his Best to keep it at a minimum. Even mentioning it in a non-joking manner is pushing it, tbh. Trust me, he’s already _well aware_ of what he sounds like, and is doing all he can to remedy it; commentary is not needed or wanted.
  * Unfortunate medical issue aside, he’s a p. pleasant bed buddy.
  * It doesn’t matter if he’s alone or not, he’s a side sleeper.
    * No matter the date he finds that sleeping on his side is the best way to somewhat mitigate his infernal tendency to snore. Because of this he’s a spooner by default.
    * Definitely prefers to be the big spoon, but if its modern times and he’s using his CPAP that’s not really comfortable for either of you. Luckily he doesn’t have any problems with you holding him if you’re that way inclined. He’ll link his fingers with yours and nestle your joined hands against his heart, and _ahhhh~_ It’s so sweet! Look, he gets extra soft when he’s sleepy, okay?
  * He’s a creature of comfort so he likes the temperatures to be adjusted accordingly. If it’s warm out he likes a cooler (but not cold) room, and vis versa for warmer months.
    * Unfortunately the yeehaw days didn’t allow for many adjustments to a home’s temperature. This is yet another reason why he travels so much; when he gets tired of one scene he just picks up and moves on.
  * Another one that likes to sleep nekked as he has a tendency to overheat otherwise.
    * Despite this he owns a lot of nice silky pajamas because he likes the way they look (and the way _you_ look at him when he’s in them), not to mention the fact that they feel _amazing_ fluttering against his skin. But the minute it’s time to hit the sack he’s shedding everything before sliding between the sheets.
      * He can potentially be persuaded to keep on his undies if you’re really adamant, but he’s definitely gonna tease you about it. That you still have the audacity to have a sense of decorum after you’ve both seen everything the other has to offer is just so cute to him, he cannot with you sometimes…
    * Doesn’t much care if you choose to sleep nude or not; in his opinion sleep’s all about comfort so you do you boo-boo.



## || **Kieran Duffy**

  * Oh is it time for bed? *koala mode activated*
  * So, _so_ clingy, but also so, _so_ cute so it balances out–
    * –or at least he _hopes_ it does. You’re… you’re okay with him getting this close right? God he hopes you are, he doesn’t want you to feel like he’s smothering you or needy or anything like that! He just likes being close to you, even when he’s not fully awake to enjoy your presence…
    * If you’re okay with the snuggly sleeping conditions then _please_ , for the love of all that is good and holy in this world, reassure this man.
    * If you’re not down with being played that tight he totally understands. Just break it to him gently and he’ll be all to ready to switch things up. He’s nothing if not eager to please.
  * If given the choice he’d like to have you lying on his chest. There’s just something about that positon that screams comfort and trust to him. That you allow him to provide you with the former and entrust him with the latter is just *chef’s kiss*
    * But like I said, he wants this to be good for you too so he’s willing to fold himself into whatever configuration will best work for you both. He’ll give you as much or as little space as you want/need with no complaints on his part; he’s just happy you’re willing to share a bed with him, tbh.
  * When he’s alone he curls up into the fetal position, usually hugging a pillow tight to his chest. It’s a comfort thing for him, and idk whether to find this precious or sad, tbh…
  * Temperature-wise he just wants to be as comfy as possible; if it’s cold out crank up the heat, if it’s hot turn on the AC.
    * Naturally these aren’t options in the yeehaw days so instead he’ll open windows and shed clothes or toss logs into the fire and pile on layers as needed.
  * In modern times he’s definitely the type to turn on a fan and-or an air purifier for white noise. He p. much keeps the latter on at all times (year-round allergies are a _bitch_ ), but sometimes he needs something a bit more substantial. The sound gives his brain something other than his racing thoughts to focus on.
    * If you can’t deal with the added noise he’s fine with putting on headphones if he needs a sleep aid; even before you came along he would occasionally pop a pair on so that he could fall asleep to various white noise mixes.



## || **Leopold Strauss**

  * Ngl, it takes him a while to get used to sharing a bed.
    * He’s spent the majority of his life alone so it’s not surprising that it takes him a bit to acclimate to having his space invaded by another person.
    * Okay, so ‘invaded’ is a harsh word, he knows this. It’s not as if you make him uncomfortable or a nuisance or anything like that, it’s quite the opposite really. When you’re around it’s as if he’s passed into the eye of the storm that is his life. If you didn’t have such an effect on him then there’s no way you would’ve gotten to the point where you’re bunking together.
    * But still everything has an adjustment period, especially something as monumental as this.
  * Those first few times he’s gonna be stiff as _fuck._ Dude’s p. much doing a spot on impression of a mummy, the only thing that’s missing is the crossed arms. He’s also gonna leave room for Jesus and all twelve of his homies lmfao…
    * Once he gets used to having you there he’ll move in a bit closer, but he’ll still be p. stiff, so take pity on him and close the gap. He’s so worried about making you uncomfortable that he’ll keep carrying on like this otherwise.
    * With that hill taken he’ll be open to experimenting with sleeping positions until you find one that’s right for the pair of you.
      * Personally he’s partial to being the little spoon as he gets cold easily and leeching off of your body heat is so much less taxing than trying to generate his own lol.
  * When he’s by himself he’s a v. restless sleeper. He’ll start off on his back only to end up hanging halfway off of the mattress or something else equally weird/uncomfortable.
    * Being as anxious as he so often is he’s prone to nightmares which is why he moves about so much. He finds that he sleeps much more soundly with you around tho. Honestly your being in his life has done wonders for his health overall, and he’s forever grateful to you for that.
  * Due to his health issues he’s p. much always cold so he likes to keep his home warm.
    * For some reason when he’s sleeping he’s found that he gets even colder so expect to have a grip of blankets on your bed at any given time—doesn’t matter the century or the season.
      * He’ll remove some if you find it too unbearable, but you better be ready to be his new heat source because he cannot stand to be cold.
  * In modern times he likes to listen to ASMR videos to get him in the mood to sleep.
    * A lot of times he finds it hard to get his brain to switch off. Not being one for employing the use of medication until all other alternatives are exhausted he started looking for other solutions online and eventually he stumbled across ASMR videos.
    * Ngl—at first he was like ‘da fuq??’ but he was desperate and had nothing to lose and so he gave it a go. Five minutes later homie was out like a gd light.
    * He now swears by the things, and has no shame in telling people he likes them. He honestly doesn’t the stigma? It’s a bit odd, yes, but there is documented proof of both the response and its effects on the body. It’s a natural and free high, so why not indulge?
    * His favorites are scalp massages, fabric scratching, and liquid sounds. His least favorite is inaudible whispers as he finds himself straining to hear what the person is saying which is the opposite of relaxing lol…



## || **Lenny Summers**

  * This adorable baby giggles in his sleep.
  * _A lot._
  * You have no idea what it is he’s dreaming of that’s so damn funny, and sadly neither does he—he’s one of those people that rarely remembers his dreams—so it’s destined to remain a mystery to you both. But that’s fine, you suppose, as the most important part is his cute little sleepy laughs.
    * Has definitely woke himself up before laughing and it was _fucking adorable._
    * Has also woken you up as well—that was less cute, but like who can stay mad at that face? All it takes is for him to bust out the puppy-dog eyes and nuzzling hugs and all is forgiven. _Usually._ Sometimes more… _involved_ measures are necessary to make amends, and he’s all for that ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  * When you’re sharing a bed he’s definitely a spooner.
    * Will never admit to it, but in modern times, before you came along he had a waifu body pillow that he liked to cuddle up with.
      * _No_ , he did not buy the thing himself. It was a gag gift from Sean (aka the worst bestie/roomie in the world). He’d found his friend hugged up with pillows enough times to figure that a body pillow would make for a nice birthday gift. But Sean being the asshole that he is couldn’t just get him _a nice_ , _**normal** _pillow because that would be too much like right lmao…
    * Anyways!
    * He prefers to be the little spoon majority of the time, but he isn’t at all opposed to holding you if you’re that way inclined.
      * When he’s the little spoon he likes to face you. He’s like Arthur in that he’ll burrow down until he can smoosh his face against your chest; he likes to hear your heartbeat, it’s soothing.
      * When he’s the big spoon he’s doing it for your comfort so lay however you like, he’s down for whatever.
  * Aside from liking to use a body pillow he was a lot like Sean in that he didn’t have a favored position. Whatever was most comfortable at the time is what he went with when alone.
  * As far as temperatures go he prefers to be toasty af.
    * By his estimation you just can’t beat a nice, warm room and a pile of comforters.
    * Likes to put on white noise vids in modern times; he really likes winter wind/snowstorm sounds or rainy cabin ambiance for this as it adds to the whole _‘tucked away, comfy and safe, from the outside world’_ vibe. But if you like a different sound, or a quiet room altogether he doesn’t mind as the vids are a bonus for him, not a must.
    * In yeehaw days he’d still rather be warm than cold. His body just does not handle chilly weather well. It’s like his body cannot produce enough heat to sustain him, which leads to muscle aches as his shiver response kicks into overdrive.



## || **Orville Swanson**

  * Swanson is a rather clingy individual. He knows it, you know it, and you both accept it as a part of your lives lol. Unsurprisingly this trait carries over into his sleeping habits. Luckily for you he isn’t picky about positions so long as you’re touching one another.
    * Ideally he’d like to be lying on top of you. He’s not the biggest man so weight-wise this is doable, though various factors can make it uncomfortable for anything long term. He’s well aware of this so he’s more than happy to settle for any alternatives that’ll suit you as well.
    * Spooning is his second favorite position, though surprisingly enough he wants to be the one doing the holding.
      * This is his go to when you’ve had a rough day and-or are feeling vulnerable. He knows how comforting it is to be held—hell, you’ve done it for him more times than he can count so how could he not return the favor?
      * Ngl, it makes him feel strong as _fuck_ when you ask him to hold you. Knowing that you look to him when you’re in need like that is just *chef’s kiss*
        * Ofc this isn’t to say that he likes to see you hurting in any capacity, but life is never as consistently kind to as we would like; in such instances he feels so damn honored that you would even think to come to him. He so often doubts his own strength, but when you rely on him like this is just makes his entire existence go full-on heart eyes…
  * When alone he mirrors Kieran’s fetal curl perfectly. *insert _‘They’re the same picture’_ meme here* lol. He’d pull the blanket up completely over his head and sleep like that. How he never accidentally suffocated himself is a question for the ages…
  * Temperature-wise he’s all for the cold as he’ll take any excuse to cuddle up closer to you.
    * >This is more of a necessity back in the 1890s since heating solutions (aside from fireplaces) weren’t yet a thing.
    * >In modern times, he likes to keep things cozy (I talked about that a lot back in _‘[A](https://notepadsandtealeaves.tumblr.com/post/634243009306820608/the-van-der-linde-boys-in-better-when-were)’_) so expect him to pile on the blankets, esp. in the summer when the AC is on. In the winter he likes to keep the heat kinda high so you don’t need quite so many comforters; in fact he prefers to have just one really heavy topper with a couple of thinner sheets underneath it.
  * Another sleep talker, though he mostly sticks to single words. V. polite as well; you hear ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ a lot lol.



## || **Sean MacGuire**

  * The firebug doesn’t stop talking, even when he’s asleep. And most of what he’s babbling about doesn’t make a lick of sense. Some of the highlights include:
    * _“Mmmrpfh—ketchup, eat it, sir…”_
    * _“Fuck-shit, yoooous all!”_
    * _“Fight me Aragorn, **you bitch**!”_
    * _“Tastyyyy breath, tasty…”_
      * ((shoutout to all the sleep talkers that I have been forced to live with throughout the years—your mildly annoying quirk has given rise to this foolishness lol))
  * Aside from that he’s p. basic when it comes to sleeping.
  * He doesn’t really have a preferred position; he finds the configuration that’s most comfortable at the time and rolls with it.
    * In the yeehaw days this is a necessity as he rarely had the opportunity to sleep on a decent bed—or really _any_ _bed_ at all. Lbr, the junior members’ digs could be considered bootleg sleeping bags at best. Pallets and threadbare sheets are the norm, making comfort more of a distant concept than anything.
    * In modern times things aren’t much better because he’s a broke ass college student. He’s p. sure that the mattresses back in the dorms were left over from the 80s, and the one he’s been forced to buy for himself since moving off-campus feels like it’s made completely out of cardboard.
      * Seriously—he would not be surprised if he cut that bitch open and found leftover toilet paper tubes instead of springs and flattened off-brand cereal boxes where padding should be.
    * With options like these comfort becomes relative and being picky is a waste of time, ya know?
  * When he’s with a partner he finds that sleeping on his side is usually the most comfortable option.
    * More specifically he’s a spooner. This isn’t done out of any lovey-dovey reasons, but rather because he doesn’t want to take a stray elbow or knee during the night lol. If he’s molded around your back (or vis versa, he’s not picky about that) then the risk is greatly mitigated.
    * The biggest problem with this is it leaves your heads p. close together so you’re gonna get to hear all of his one-sided convos with that good 4K clarity lmao.
  * He’s p. flexible when it comes to temperatures.
    * He’s like John in that he doesn’t see the point in fighting against it during the yeehaw days (though unlike the older man he is more opt to complain about it) and in modern times he can adjust the thermostat/amount of blankets he uses.
    * If you like to keep the room super cold he’s gonna sleep with his socks on. And _only_ his socks.
      * He once heard it said that the human body vents most of its heat through the top of the head, the hands, and the feet. Sleeping with a hat and gloves on would just be weird, yeah? But socks are totally acceptable.
      * Naturally he could keep the rest of his clothes on, but why would he deprive you of the majesty that is his body?
      * Less clothes means its way easier for the two of you to get it in should the want arise, and Sean’s all about taking the easy route whenever possible lol. Ofc he’ll encourage you to join in the fun, but if you’re not down he gets it, that nudist life isn’t for everyone, tho with a body like yours he doesn’t get why you don’t want to show more of it. Doesn’t matter what you’ve got going on he thinks you’re sex on legs, so maybe it’s actually better if you do stay clothed—if you were on display at all times nothing _but_ _you_ would ever get done lol.
        * On that note, I can totally see him as being one of those roommates that walks around naked from time to time. Lenny has seen his dick so many times at this point that he doesn’t even blink. Some may say that he’s taking the whole ‘be comfortable in your own skin’ thing a bit too far, but this is Sean we’re talking about here—he could always take things further so don’t tempt him lmao.
      * Will grudgingly put on some bottoms if you’re really insistent, though he doesn’t see what the big deal is. Like he’s already been balls deep in damn near every hole you’ve got so why get shy now?? But you’re his baby and he always wants you to feel comfortable so if you need him to put Cú Chulainn away then he will.
        * (( ~~this jackass named his junk after an Irish demigod because _of course_ he did lmao~~))



## || **Simon Pearson**

  * Another one who takes a bit to adjust to sharing a bed.
  * The process isn’t nearly as involved as it is with Strauss, but rather it _is_ annoying lol.
    * He’s not nervous about having you there at all, in fact he’s overjoyed to finally be sharing a bed with his sweetheart! However, _comma_ , once he’s knocked out he forgets you’re there and either rolls on top of you or kicks you or nudges you out of the bed lmao.
    * He’s so used to not having to take another body into account that he just _doesn’t._ It isn’t until he hears you yell and-or feels the retaliatory pillow strike that he remembers you’re there.
    * Ngl, this asshole’s gonna be laughing his ass off as he apologizes. What? It’s not his fault that you look so damn cute when you’re full of sleepy, yet indigent rage.
    * This’ll probably go on for a week or so before he finally stops assaulting you in your sleep lol. If you want to rectify things sooner insist on spooning. If he’s holding you from the start his brain’ll register your existence and you’ll stop falling victim to various rude awakenings.
      * Trying to be the big spoon at this juncture isn’t advisable as there’s a chance that he’ll roll on top of you again and that’s the opposite of what you want.
  * Once he’s gotten used to having you there he’ll find that his favorite position to sleep in is actually back to back.
    * Spooning’s okay for cuddles, but he finds it to be a bit uncomfortable when he’s trying to sleep. When you’re back to back, however, he can breathe freely and move about a bit more without having to worry about waking you.
    * Plus homie’s an ass man, so having your cheeks smooshed against his is a definite plus. Ofc spooning gives him this advantage as well, but at least this way he doesn’t have to worry about noticeably chubbing out on you when that isn’t the vibe lol.
  * When he’s alone he usually sleeps on his back with one arm thrown over his eyes and the other across his middle.
  * He’s also a snorer, tho it’s on the softer side. It only gets loud when he’s either extremely tired, sleeping off his drunk, or coming down with something.
  * Pearson’s a big dude that puts out a lot of heat so naturally he likes a colder room if at all possible.
    * He keeps a comforter scrunched down at the bottom of the bed so that it’s in reach should he need it, but he rarely does. Once you come along the pair of you will have to work together to find a temperature/blanket configuration that you can both live with.
    * If it’s the yeehaw days idk what to tell either of you as you can’t adjust the temperature much. He doesn’t mind it if the pair of you have to migrate to completely opposite sides of the bed, or hell even if you have to sleep separately on occasion. Sleep’s such a precious commodity that he won’t begrudge you doing what you gotta do to indulge in it comfortably.



## || **Uncle**

  * The OG strong cuddler, Uncle’s gonna pull your ass into an embrace that you’ll have an extremely hard time escaping. He’ll pull you into him—heedless of positioning for the most part, tho if you say something he’ll give you a chance to get comfortable—and then knock out and you’re trapped until morning.
  * Seriously, he is _way_ stronger than he looks, but I covered this back in _‘[A](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27332899/chapters/67104745)’_ so let’s move on.
  * When he’s alone he tends to pass out whenever, wherever, and however he pleases.
    * What can I say—dude loves his sleep. Doesn’t matter what century he’s in, if he wants to catch some Z’s he’s gonna go for it right then and there.
    * Like Charles he’s given to sleeping like dead man so even if the positioning isn’t all that comfortable it isn’t much a deterrent or detriment to him; well providing it doesn’t trigger the ~L um BA g O~, tho if he’s drunk and-or tired enough he won’t even take that much into consideration.
    * Temperatures don’t bother him much either, tho his back does tend to flare up in colder conditions.
  * Despite his lack of hard preferences he’d be lying if he said he didn’t prefer to avail himself to a nice, comfy bed.
    * Positions still aren’t a thing that he’s fussed over, in fact he’s got more freedom to sprawl in a bed as the whole darned thing’s comfortable.
    * On that note it should also be said that he’s another one that likes to let his limbs stretch out. This is only when he’s alone of course; when he’s got company he’ll get on his good WWE shit as previously established lol.



**Author's Note:**

> Comments/kudos are always appreciated, but never required!  
>   
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> *please note that donations are never a requirement either, just thought I'd give people the option. Writing's a passion of mine and I'm gonna do it regardless...


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